200 Steps

A while back I was alone at the beach and I decided to take 100 steps with my eyes closed. It was a frightening, albeit beautiful experience. My grandmother was blind for most of the time I knew her, yet the detail with which she told stories always amazed me. Every step I took was frightening because I was just asking to step into an urchin, a pocket in the sand or heaven forbid, a shard of glass. 

But I did it and it was an oddly gratifying experience. If you take 100 steps right now, it’s no big deal whatsoever. 

Try it with your eyes closed. 

Last weekend, I was at my local spot, there were no waves, wind was quiet and no one was around. I was so thankful for that space and time because everything I spoke was either for me, for nature, for life, or for a higher power. 

I sat down and meditated for a bit. I stretched, I looked both ways and I decided to try 200 steps.

Different than the last time, I took a real good look at where I was going. I studied the contours and the route, I closed my eyes, and I started walking. 

It had been quite a long time since I’d done this, but it was interesting to note how much easier it was on this occasion. Before long, I had already taken 50 steps and wasn’t even nervous. The waves crashed to my left and nothing sounded to my right. My breathing was normal, 70 steps already. This is going to be a breeze. 

The hesitation didn’t begin until step #90. I was 10 steps away from my original effort, but only halfway… and suddenly I realized how long I had to go. I felt as my breathing became more jagged. The temptation to open my eyes began around step 120… and it was something I had to fight for the next 80 steps. 

At 140 steps I shuddered when I stepped onto seaweed. I slowed my pace but I didn’t stop. Even if this was something trivial to anyone watching, it wasn’t to me. At 150 steps, more seaweed. I cringed my teeth and I kept walking. 

170 steps in, my breath was shallow again and I had to remind myself the proper way to breathe. First comes in then comes out. I smiled at my silly little mind game, but it worked. 190 steps.

For those last ten steps, I gave thanks for all the things in my life. 

My wife and family

The people who love me

Nature and all its blessings

The people kind enough to read me

The success I’ve had.

My mother’s health.

The health of others I care for deeply.

The means to provide for the people I care about and to help with my actions and words. 

The trials and tribulations in life that invite me to be better, for however hard they are. 

The steps I have taken…... 

I opened my eyes and the brightness of the morning sun only slightly stung. I was able to smile, relieved, happy, thankful. I looked back and could see how far my steps were when I started this little walk… it wasn’t so little this time. 

The wind picked up lightly and I felt it kiss my cheek. Another gift from life. 

Then I closed my eyes again… 

and I ran. 

Photo by JD Estrada