Warts and all

Some time ago, a lovely friend suggested I write about love when it comes to friends, family and partners, especially when it comes to the topic acceptance. So Amy Dionne, this one is for you.

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Love is different from one person to the next. It varies in intensity, flavor, type, and texture. For something so intangible it has so many properties and nuances that you can’t help but dispute the claim that it is intangible.

The thing is that there is no set definition for love or the rules to which it obeys. It changes from one relationship to another. Some are fleeting, others are more permanent. Some are short lived but intense. Others are slow burning and can last a lifetime. Truly, nothing is more emotionally heterogeneous than love but at least for me, there’s one vital element in the strongest loves and that’s acceptance.

Love isn’t easy and often requires effort on the part of both sides to make ends meet, to achieve balance and to make sense. Does that mean that love always makes sense? Not by a long shot, but we’re often trying to make sense of it.

Beyond making sense of things, love doesn’t judge or at least the truest love doesn’t judge. Sure it can hurt, it can soar, it can burn, and it can do endless things, but it doesn’t judge.

When you say I love you, it should be warts and all. With flaws and virtues, with what we love about the person as well as with what drives us crazy and invites us to scream to the heavens when people can’t see how easy and simple some things could be if they did things like we do them. Oh yeah, love is silly like that too where you think you’re completely right until you talk things over, although that can apply to many things when you enter dialogue with an open mind… but that’s another post.

Love is seeing someone come out of surgery and think they look beautiful. Love is having someone vomit over you and you still love them. Love is what helps you come down from anger and drop your ego in the interest of trying to find a solution to whatever problem there is. Love is letting a friend say whatever comes spewing out of their mouth and taking it on board and asking them to clarify when they say something way out there. Love is kissing a scar. Love is hearing a friend’s darkest secrets and not judging them for it and instead loving them for having the strength to share with you. Love is seeing someone you care for in a moment of weakness and doing what you can for them even if that means leaving them alone. Love is leaving judgment to the side and doing your best to find the best version of what you share.

It doesn’t always work. It’s far from flawless. It’s hard. It’s painful. It’s draining…. And boy is it worth it.

So here’s to our warts, our scars, our dark secrets, our failures, our virtues, our conquests, our pains and the people whom we love and who love us regardless of how messed up we are.

Peace, love, and maki rolls.