Most of us learn at a relatively young age that not being everyone’s cuppa tea is a thing. A shame really, because at least for me, with all the tea I drink, I suspect my flavor profile would be pretty tea-like. Shenanigans aside, there’s a lot of truth in that statement….the not being everyone’s cuppa tea comment, not in regards to my flavor profile.
At certain times in your life, it is quite possible that you’ve been asked why you are a certain way…or why you have to be a certain way…gently hinting that something should maybe, possibly, perhaps be modified.
It happens.
It might not be right, but it does happen.
Liking and allowing yourself to enjoy a wide variety of things is a good thing. It broadens horizons, promotes creativity, and surprises in pretty interesting ways. But it doesn’t mean you have to like EVERYTHING. In fact, it is quite possible that you may even be allowed to NOT like everything…or everyone, and people should be more OK with that.
Although far from a 2020 exclusive, what’s changed is the way in which people appease. It’s quite common to see people who do everything to please others and in my experience, that’s quite the recipe for disaster and misery. Moreover, when you get to group dynamics, it gets a bit more complicated because maybe you like someone as a friend, but a friend of theirs is not your cuppa tea. So what do you do? Work around it, force it, or possibly accept that there’s no need to pick sides or force situations, much less friendships, and that people can in fact survive without liking everyone and being liked by everyone?
Although far from a 2020 exclusive, what’s changed is the way in which people appease. It’s quite common to see people who do everything to please others and in my experience, that’s quite the recipe for disaster and misery. Moreover, when you get to group dynamics, it gets a bit more complicated because maybe you like someone as a friend, but a friend of theirs is not your cuppa tea. So what do you do? Work around it, force it, or possibly accept that there’s no need to pick sides or force situations, much less friendships, and that people can in fact survive without liking everyone and being liked by everyone?
Liking someone who in turn likes someone you’re not a big fan of happens. It sometimes comes down to chemistry and other times comes to the cards people show others.
To illustrate, here are two examples. I have two friends who can’t stand each other, never have, never will. No chemistry and quite a bit of animosity. I maintain friendship with both and like the Ghostbusters so wisely said, I don’t cross their streams. Only once one of them started to speak ill of the other and I kindly asked them to knock it off. I said I understood they weren’t a fan, but that I was and I was mature enough to not need to pick sides or force anything. To this day, I’m friends with both people.
The second example is someone who a lot of people are sweet on. The person is publicly nice but in a private setting, they barked up the wrong tree and proceeded to behave in a manner that resulted in me creating a lot of distance between us. People rave and are big fans because there are good things to this person, can’t say otherwise. But what I received came from a different side and conflicted directly with life philosophies, spiritual beliefs, and respect of space as well as tolerance of points of view. Do I judge people who are still friends with this person? No. Do I think them less or do I push to create distance between me and them? No as well, because the situation does not concern them and we’re not all joined at the hip. Hell, I don’t even hold a huge grudge with this person, but I do know how they are and it’s not necessarily something I want more of in my life and I practice what I preach in regards to a #YouDoyou philosophy. As I’ve done before in my life, I try to keep distance and when that’s not an option, I keep it courteous and brief. No need to get catty or petty but also no need to modify who I am and what I believe in, since clearly that’s not in their cards either.
As humans, conflict happens but what I’m talking about is wayyyyyy before conflict. It’s about basic human dynamics and how we should always be true to ourselves. Does that mean we should never change? Not at all. There’s always room for improvement and to be a better version of you…but changing who you are to be more attractive to someone you like, to fit in better, or to get in the good graces of a group is dangerous territory and I’ve never seen any reason to modify certain traits of who and how I am. I also try to be as transparent as possible in how I conduct myself so that if we ever meet in real life, you realize it wasn’t a character, persona, or me doing anything for show. I know some AMAZING people who are very self-conscious and have known to modify their behavior for X or Y reason. For me, it’s not about being better than another person because I’m less willing to change. It’s all to do with wishing they saw how amazing they were and realize they can become a better version of themselves without losing what makes them who they are.
It’s fine to have self-doubt and question whether you could improve certain aspects about you. There’s nothing wrong with self-improvement. But you have to make sure it’s that because there’s a big difference between self-improvement and self-editing, and only one opens the path to the best version of you within and more happiness and peace of mind. So cheers to your brand of tea and may your cuppa always be full to pour for others the truest you.
Peace, love, and maki rolls
As humans, conflict happens but what I’m talking about is wayyyyyy before conflict. It’s about basic human dynamics and how we should always be true to ourselves. Does that mean we should never change? Not at all. There’s always room for improvement and to be a better version of you…but changing who you are to be more attractive to someone you like, to fit in better, or to get in the good graces of a group is dangerous territory and I’ve never seen any reason to modify certain traits of who and how I am. I also try to be as transparent as possible in how I conduct myself so that if we ever meet in real life, you realize it wasn’t a character, persona, or me doing anything for show. I know some AMAZING people who are very self-conscious and have known to modify their behavior for X or Y reason. For me, it’s not about being better than another person because I’m less willing to change. It’s all to do with wishing they saw how amazing they were and realize they can become a better version of themselves without losing what makes them who they are.
It’s fine to have self-doubt and question whether you could improve certain aspects about you. There’s nothing wrong with self-improvement. But you have to make sure it’s that because there’s a big difference between self-improvement and self-editing, and only one opens the path to the best version of you within and more happiness and peace of mind. So cheers to your brand of tea and may your cuppa always be full to pour for others the truest you.
Peace, love, and maki rolls
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