The Ends of the World

Before the world ended as we know it in 2020, my world as I knew it ended in 2019. It’s been six years since my Mother passed away and it still feels like yesterday. I think about her often, I talk and write to her often, I ask for advice and for her to guide me through my intuition in some way, and you’d be surprised how often my gut reaction is on the money.

That’s because when I say my world ended, I’m not saying it in a tragic sense, even though it’s obviously sad that I don’t have Mom on this plane to talk to. It was a personal paradigm shift where I found myself without grandparents or parents and it was odd. It’s not like I shed a skin, though it was transformative. It has to be, simply because you have to come to terms with the fact that those calls in the morning, lunch, and in the evening would become monologues and that responses would come in signs, feelings, and all manner of random things where Mom keeps popping up and saying hi. 

 

Today is also Father’s Day, and yesterday I was lucky enough to spend time with both my brothers and two of my cousins to celebrate in family. So it was natural for me to also think about Dad. My middle brother showed a picture where he had grown a magnificent mustache and looked like a green-eyed variant of Dad. 

Dad, Mom, and my bro.

So it’s a day with a lot of mixed emotions, though I can’t say sadness. Longing for a chat? Yes. But not melancholy. It’s not that it doesn’t happen and doesn’t come along, it’s that today I don’t feel melancholy. It probably has to do with everything that’s going on in the world and things being so heavy that thinking about my parents doesn’t weigh a ton today. It’s been six years without Mom, and twenty-two without Dad. And it’s weird, because I also remember that when he passed away it was also an end of the world moment. One that brought a lot of life lessons, though so has the hindsight I’ve experienced in two decades without him. 

 

I think that as we get older, chunks of the world or versions of our world fade away, evolve, shift, fall, break, or transition. I think it depends on the life event, the person, and the circumstances, though it still becomes a different world. One day you have a parent, the next you have a memory but you still carry that love, though by nature, it is forced to change and evolve. And it’s not a bad thing, it’s just life. 

 

While thinking about this, I think about my home spot where I surf and how it shifts with tides, swells, storms, erosion, and all manner of things. There are some core things that shall always be there, like certain parts of the reef. Sure, many things in the environment change, but those pieces of reef do not. 

 

 

No matter how big the waves come... 

 

No matter how violent the storms... 

 

No matter how much or how little the sands shift...

 

That chunk of reef is a constant and I think back to when I was a kid and I realize how many things I keep alive and maintain to this day, all pieces of my reef. And I realize that constants help remind us of who we are, regardless of what the world brings, and how many of those worlds end. 

 

So on this Father’s Day that coincides with Mom’s anniversary, I raise a glass to both Mom and Dad. I live in a different world than when you were here, though my reef remains, as does the love for you, which shall always be there. 

 

Cheers Mama Estrada, Cheers Papa Carlos, and to you kind reader... 

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.