Rant in Estrada Minor – Childhood glimpse in 1,000 words

I can’t see a rubber chicken without thinking of Fozzy Bear. When I did something bad I would sit myself in a corner sometimes. I confessed to a priest that I’d killed many ants one day. When I prayed, I’d say a Hail Mary as if it was my password to be allowed to pray/talk to God. I read a lot of Chinese comics as a kid. My first leanings to agnosticism I think began when I envisioned all deities sitting in a round table trying to sort this world. I was 9 when I had that thought. I fondly remember scraped knees. I remember that at the time it wasn’t so fond. The first girl I ever fell in love with had glasses. We rode a horse together like in those romantic novels. I was 5. I had a slight degree of dyslexia as a child. I still write the number 8 backwards. I’m still embarrassed by my handwriting, but as a child it was really bad. I was always told I would be a doctor or a lawyer. I had other plans even then. I remember riding my bicycle in my neighborhood. There was a large shrub at the end of our complex. I rode and crashed into it making a permanent cave… a bat cave some called it. You’re welcome Batman. I remember that next to that shrub was a shed that if you climbed on top you could reach a mandarin tree from a huge house behind the complex. We always made sure that no oranges were there. I sometimes slept with a bat. Just in case. I also loved taking baths. I sometimes had a bottle of the red Plax mouthwash nearby in case burglars came in to tip it into the bathtub and make as if I was dead. I’m weirder in some ways but less weird in others. I was known to head butt people if I was angry. I was a big fan of Jean Claude Van Damme. I also see the link. I spent countless hours playing video games. I also played outside. I didn’t know I was a firm believer of balance even then. I loved eating sweets. I would put Nerds candy into a Coca Cola. I’m still amazed I’m as healthy as I am. I remember being annoyed by a Freedent commercial where a couple was playing golf, hit the ball as a couple, and then looked at each other as fake as their bullshit gum. That commercial still bothers me. I’m sure they missed the hole. I loved Big Trouble in Little China. I would run around with a laundry basket on my head as if I was the fourth storm. I never walked in on my parents having sex. Every time I took a flight, I would search for Care Bears in the clouds. I still sometimes wish I saw one waving at me even if it meant we could crash. I used to play with my GI Joes as if they were in a kung fu movie. I might have made a link between kung-fu grip and jung-fu. Or maybe I preferred kicks and punches to guns and bombs. Some things don’t change. On sick days I would watch Star Wars, Swiss Family Robinson, The Cat from Outer Space, Robin Hood (Disney version), a ton of cartoons and Supermarket sweep. I often called mom to tell her about great deals I saw on infomercials. Part of me still wants that food dehydrator. It was because of the home made fruit rolls ups and beef jerky. I remember my grand uncle fondly. He had false teeth. He kept them in a glass of water next to the bed. I learned early in my life to not drink water from a glass without looking first. False teeth still freak me out. My grandfather on my father’s side breathed deeply. Very deeply. Freakishly deep. He would also wind the cuckoo clock as many times as I’d ask him too. He was the first death in my family that I remember. The first one was actually my aunt. When you’re a kid, time gets mixed up. The same happens when you’re an adult. My mom had a store in Old San Juan. They changed locales twice. The third one had a second floor where I would go to hang out alone. I still remember fondly the adventures I’d have with coat hangers, large boxes, and miscellaneous racks. My grand aunt had the best mints. They were from the Dominican Republic and looked like sugary emeralds. I still remember the taste of those mints and the smell of her hair. I loved the Little Mermaid Soundtrack. I had the tape. I put it in my dad’s car. It got stuck for almost a year. Those mornings were some of the happiest times. My dad was more of a saint than I gave him credit for as a child. I still remember the smell of construction plans in his room. He worked too much. But he meant well. He always did. Two of my oldest memories are a dream where I almost drown and a dream where my parents abandoned me. My nightmares are someone’s reality. I didn’t know then how lucky I was. I remember going to Disneyland and having my mom buy a lollipop that was bigger than my head. That was a sweet challenge. I conquered it. When I was a kid I had to go to a chiropractor twice due to torticollis. I had a lot of stuffed animals. They needed to be comfortable when they slept. I didn’t. Torticollis happened. But they slept well. I got detention once. I called a teacher a name to her face. It was mean. She died a couple of years later. I was never able to apologize. That still hurts. I always felt bad for the squirrel in the Sword in the Stone. She deserved better. That’s all for now.