“A better use of time” or “How NOT to indulge assholes”

Some people get off on being conflictive and saying things to get a reaction. I think nowhere is this more prevalent than on Facebook, though most social media lends itself to this if we're honest. That said, a lot of people seem to fall into the back and forth with this type of person and end up frustrated, with elevated blood pressure, and the other person has a belly full of attention… your attention… your time… your energy.

I say this because the type of person I’m referring to is not just random people online. It’s people you know. People who you have friends in common with. People whom you’ve interacted with before and whose little comment drove you crazy.

I write this because I’ve seen some of these people at it for the last couple of months and who often seem to have a default “unpleasant” setting. I’m not saying we ALL have to get along or all have to agree on everything. That’s not only awful but an ignorant thing to wish for. I value heterogeneity and invite and welcome dialogue. But what I am referring to above is not dialogue or an invitation to chat and discuss ideas. It’s one person saying something that they probably know will trigger others and basking in the attention they get.

If you’ve ever watched wrestling, you’ll be familiar with the term ‘Heel’, i.e. the bad guy. There are some wrestlers born to be the bad guy and there are some people who behave like Heels because they LOVE the attention. They thrive on boos and others’ anger. Some of these simply seek conflict while others really take it to the next level to project themselves as intellectually superior. I’ve met plenty of people like this, and a while back I learned a great way to deal with these people:

Ignore them.

These people are not looking to learn anything and don’t want to listen to the other side, they are people addicted to debates and who need to win. These are people who phrase things like, “if you were smart, you would do (insert whatever they do which is obviously the best option).” I won’t say these people don’t have merit or aren’t capable of making a valid point. What I will say is that more often than not, it’s not worth it to engage with these people if you have a differing opinion. Firstly, like I mentioned, they’re not interested in what you think. They’re interested in convincing you that not only are they right, but that you should be thankful that you lost the argument so their wisdom can shower over you. Secondly, they will not play fair. If they come across someone with an equally valid point or something that would potentially defeat their argument, they will say things to elicit an emotional reaction thus changing the focus of the conversation. Again, they don’t want dialogue and are not interested in your opinion. They’re interested in how they project themselves and will win at whatever the cost. So when this happens, let me remind you of a couple of things:

Your time has value.

Your energy has value.

Your attention has value.

Your opinion has value.

How much value you put into all these is up to you and how much time you invest in toxic people is also your call. One final note: just because you know someone who is friends with someone you know doesn’t mean you need to like them or even get along. You shouldn’t bash them or insult them either, but it is NOT a requirement to like everyone and be liked by everyone and that’s something a lot of people need to be reminded of. Another thing, just because you don’t like someone, doesn’t mean you have to cut communication with other people whom you have in common. I’ve had countless friends who do not get along and I value them for who they are and what we share. I find it curious that they don't get along but I don't need to force them to be friends. 

As for shitty people, such a label is based on opinion and you can feel free to disagree. But if someone you don’t particularly like says something you don’t particularly like and has a crappy way of going about making their point, there is zero need to invest one watt, one second, and one thought in this person.

Your time has value. Your energy has value. Your attention has value. Your opinion has value.

Do not take it lightly and do not squander.

Peace, love, and maki rolls