I’ve
written about Emotional Alchemy in this blog before and even dedicated a full
chapter to this concept in my non-fiction book Peace, Love, and Maki Rolls. Today is one of those days where I’m
reminded of the power of that tool.
It
was one of those days where you begin with a positive outlook and attitude yet things
don’t flow, don’t pan out, work is more work than usual, and you
sincerely feel as if whatever effort you put into that to-do list is energy that
could have been put to better use. My lunch hour was interrupted, which means I
had like 15 minutes to write before having to head back to the office, among
other little adventures in Lala Land
It
wasn’t a horrendous day. Hell, it wasn’t even near an awful day. But it was far
from ideal and it just charged me up in negative ways. Blame it on the heat
wave or Mercury being in retrograde, or what have you. It matters not and those
and other details are quite debatable. What is a fact and isn’t up
for debate is that now I’m here, 8:30 ish at night on a school night and
jabbing at the keyboard if only to put all that angst to good use.
It’s
no surprise that when it comes to what I do with my time, energy, and skills,
what brings me the most joy is anything related to writing and creating. By
trade I’m a copy writer, a translator, and an associate creative director. But
I’ll always be a writer and find comfort in capturing words on a screen or a
notebook, but having them be my
words. Not words revised a thousand times. Not an email explaining the whys in
regards to how and why I did something. Not a document with concepts that will
be barely recognizable from idea to execution. No. Writing. My writing.
The
indie author route is a lonely and frustrating one, let there be no doubt about
this. But to know that any mistake or victory are mine to celebrate or rectify
is liberating beyond my ability to explain it. You really need to work 15 years
in a thankless industry to have an idea of how amazing it feels to know that
your vision, your true vision made it to light. People ask if I’d ever go the
traditional route and the answer is “sure,” but I’d always publish something
indie, even if I were to use yet another pseudonym. The freedom is simply too much to ignore or deny myself. Not having 70,000 filters and revisions, and opinions,
even well-meaning ones. None of that. Just me losing myself in words at the
same time that I find myself.
THAT.
That
is why I write. Because it’s me putting my soul, my brain, and my heart on one
path and having each do its own thing as words upon words blossom on what would
otherwise be merely white space or blank paper.
So
here I am, confessing once again that the things that bring me joy have to do
with my writing. Not my ad work, not my translation work, not my flawless
handling of a situation, not my deciphering of god damn limericks and riddles
that are sold to me as revisions. No. It’s writing, my writing. That’s what
makes me happy. Knowing that someone picked up my first novel without me having
to mega promote it. Having a printed letter and a written Post-It Poem ready to
include into an Estrada Crate I’ll be sending to Indiana this week. Re-reading
old reviews from people who read my words and were happy that they did so.
Emotional
Alchemy is a fancy way of saying taking life’s lemons and making lemonade, but
it takes it a step forward. It means that I’m thankful for days like this. They fuel my fire
to write more and push my writing as much as I can. They invigorate fight
scenes with real rage so that when you read a particularly gruesome death, you know that I meant to write it that way. These days imbue real frustration in my words, they capture
feelings and emotions that I channel through my writing. If you’ve ever felt
the anger in my words in my stories, know it’s for good reason. It’s because I
use the anger in my life. I use the sadness. I use the frustration. I use the
joy. I use every single thing I live to help me create something that will show
me that I took whatever life gave me and I created. I was in control of my
emotions and feelings. I was able to let go of whatever crux I was carrying and
dropped it in the center of a story, a poem, a song, a novel, or a blog post.
Because
bitching only takes us so far.
Because
I know how negative I can be and I want to show that pessimistic side of my
psyche that we can do good even when we want to punch through a wall.
Because
it is my choice to be an alchemist.
And
it can be your choice as well.
Peace,
love, and maki rolls
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