A Case Against “For”

While giving a compliment can make someone’s day, giving a back-handed compliment can do the opposite…and it happens way too often.

 

“That person looks good…for their: age, weight, nationality, height, body type, skin color, sense of style, hair length, hair color” and beyond.

 

The person should have stopped when they said “good.”

 

That person looks good.

 

Period.

 

No need for caveats, buts, exceptions, loaded words, or thinly veiled judgment. There is a spectrum of beauty. Something people easily forget. For both men and women, it’s a minefield of expectations they have to sort through along with feelings of inadequacy that are all too common.

 

For women, beauty is an endless topic of contention. It’s a dangerous obsession and the media often promotes unhealthy standards of beauty that switch arbitrarily, often just in time to have people need to hit new goals once they arrive at what was supposedly a standard of beauty.

 

Too fat. Too skinny. Arms too big. Love handles. Ass too big. Ass too small. Square hips. Too much hips. Tits too big. Tits too small. Chin not fine enough. Lips too big. Eyes too dark. Eyes too clear. Too short. Too tall. Huge feet. Jaw too square. Tiny hands. Long neck. Short torso. Too muscular. Knobby knees. Thicc thighs. Hair too thick. Hair too thin. Hair too long. Hair not long enough.

 

And age? It’s as if women aren’t allowed to be attractive past a certain age.

 

And

 

That

 

Is

 

Bullshit

 

Fortunately, things have shifted a bit and women are taking back their sensuality but they’re doing it boisterously because there are still circles that want to cast beautiful women as grandmas and nothing else. Very often you hear actresses have to defend what they wear or don’t wear. That they use makeup, that they don’t use makeup, that they dye their hair, that they embrace their grays. And whatever the answer, for some people and certain circles, it’ll never be enough.

 

But correct me if I’m wrong, last I checked Halle Berry (57), Elizabeth Hurley (58), Michelle Yeoh (61), Salma Hayek (57), Charlize Theron (48), Sade Adu (64), Susan Sarandon (77), Jamie Lee Curtis (65), Iman (68), Dolly Parton (77), Kate Beckinsale (50), (Jennifer Lopez (54), Susanna Hoffs (62), Lynda Carter (72), and Shakira (46), don’t just look good for their age. They look good. Period. And lord, Rita Moreno is 92 and beautiful.

 

But we still hear people insist on including “for” in any compliments given.

 

How about we nix that word and focus on the compliment we want to give?

 

And although to a drastically reduced level, men also get a bit of that “for” goodness.

 

He looks good for his weight, height, body type, nationality, skin color, and age. And sometimes you get some “evens” thrown in. He looks good, even without hair, even with a patchy beard, even, even, even…

 

It’s baffling to see the use of these words. Seriously, what’s the need for that “for”? Why insist on bringing down someone a notch or several notches after bringing them up? Why put an asterisk on someone rather than recognize that they are not only enough but amazing?

 

Do away with for. Stop before for. Do not give in to for. For if you do, then for shame, for you miss out on an opportunity to recognize beauty for what it is. Whatever the race, the age, the weight, the hair color, the gender, the orientation, or the style, there’s more beauty than there is lack of it. Instead, embrace and celebrate the true spectrum of beauty, for it will benefit everyone to do away with for, once and for all.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

 

Me, Myself, and Mine

Wanting success is normal. Sure, some people may sabotage themselves in various ways, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want to succeed. It might mean that they’re afraid of success, but deep down, they want to make it.

 

However, defining success in your terms is a bit trickier.

 

It’s always curious to see people who say they want to have as much success as another author or they want to be the next [insert name of wildly successful author]. It reminds me a bit of how we sometimes have to pitch our books:

“It’s like a more accessible American Gods with elements of Tolkien, Chronicles of Narnia, and tons of Easter eggs.”

That’s how I sell Only Human, because it gives a frame of reference that makes it easy for many people to understand. But I can’t say I want to have the same success as Neil Gaiman. Sure, one of the highest compliments I’ve ever received is to be compared in some way to him. Still, I want my books to be mine, even if I use his works as a frame of reference to sell a copy, and I want my success to be completely, unequivocally, and absolutely mine.

 

For starters, it’s impossible to have the same success as another person in the same way that it’s impossible for two people to be exactly identical in every way, shape, and form. But beyond that, it’s very possible that people are afraid to craft their own definition of success because it puts all accountability on them. If you didn’t have the same success as King, Gaiman, Rowling, Allende, or Tolkien, that’s fine, because you’re not them.

 

But think about it: is it easier to say you want to be as successful as Stephen King or is it easier to create your dream scenario, with real goals and pipe dreams that put you in the driver's seat? And I make a point to dream real AND dream big. Dream about being able to pay your monthly bills and also dream about an art installation inspired by your books. Dream about getting your books in libraries and dream about being part of a curriculum in a state or country. Dream about receiving fan art and dream about film, TV, and video game adaptations of your works.

 

Some would say:

“It's impossible!”

 

To which we could counter with a simple:

Why is it so impossible?

 

Here's JD’s definition of success: Having a seven-figure income that comes from multiple streams and gives me the means to carry out all the projects I feel passionate about while also supporting causes I believe in. That I’m able to fully commit my energy to writing, giving workshops, playing music, and collaborating with artists across disciplines to promote the value and power of creativity. That my work helps inspire future writers and creators and that I’m offered opportunities to collaborate with people of all ages as well. That I can craft merch that is fun, sustainable, and supports good causes. That I can have meaningful projects that create jobs for people. That my works get adapted into live-action and animated films and series and that I am able to contribute as a producer to pay crews fair wages across the board. That I can help create memorable video games that stick with people for the rest of their lives. That I can encourage Spanish-speaking people to read in English and English-speaking people to read in Spanish. That my work helps shine a positive light on Puerto Rico and gets people interested in getting to know the Island and our culture better. That my work offers opportunity for organic diversity and responsible representation. That my efforts can support other countries and islands in the Caribbean because although I’m Puerto Rican, I’ll always want the best for my neighbors. That I can have enough recognition as a musician to be invited to collaborate with other musicians. That I can make some money off my food reviews to encourage people to try new things so we can all discover new things to enjoy. That I am able to develop writing workshops combined with physical activity to promote wellness and knowledge. That my work in some way inspires people to pick up a bodyboard. That I have enough success and recognition to get invited across the world to meet all my writer friends.

 

I’m sure that if I keep thinking, I can come up with more things to add to my definition, but that’s a pretty robust, long, and ballsy list. I didn’t shy away from saying the money I’d like to make though I wasn’t specific. I do have a number in my mind but with inflation and the world doing what it does, I just want the means to do more of what I love and that instead of juggling work with writing and other passions, that I can live off and thrive from those creative efforts exclusively.

 

By putting it out there, I run the risk of being ridiculed or people telling me to bring it down a couple of notches…and they can keep those opinions. This is my definition of success. Will I edit it? Will I add to it or take anything off? Who knows? All I know is that I read that paragraph and every single one of those goals resonates. And that’s good enough for me. Do I need to get organized and do a ton of things? Of course, but that’s just part of the adventure.

 

Now let’s switch roles. How about you define your success? Take your time with it and know that the definition can change but let yourself dream. You don’t have to share your definition, but you can, if you want to. Leave it as a comment if you like, or put it in a notebook, on your vision board, or whatever. The decision of what you do with that definition is up to you, as well as what you include in it.

 

Here’s to conquering the world and smiling while we’re at it.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

2023 Report Card

It’s been a hot minute since I did a report card. Four years to be exact. That said, it’s funny because between this post and the last one, a pandemic has happened and a LOT of the goals I wrote in a blog post didn’t get done, even if several did.

 

Stuff I did get done:
The second volume of my Daydreams on the Sherbet Shore... and that’s it. Lol. If you want to see my report card for 2019 and the goals I had for 2020 that got absolutely derailed, check the post here.

 

If like me, you’d rather focus on the here and now, then keep reading.

 

So 2023 was a year with LOTS of ups and downs. The highs were wonderful with my first prose book in Spanish thanks to my dark short story collection: Penumbra. I also published Daydreams 2 and finished the first draft of Beyond Human. I went to the Puerto Rico Comic Con and had the best show in terms of sales I’ve ever had plus had the company of my brother from another mother, Mr. Joe Compton, representing Go Indie Now and allowing me the pleasure of showing him a bit of the Island though there’s still SO much to see. I did some live shows but then I hit a rough ole patch, lost momentum, and had to push through to get past several obstacles.

 

Part of getting past those obstacles was learning to say no to several events and even cancel some because I was in no shape to participate. In that sense, there were a lot of heavy moments, some of which I’ll talk about later, but rest assured I had to adjust a lot of things.

 

In October I went to Chicago for the first time on a trip with my oldest brother and I had an absolutely wonderful time and really enjoyed my time in Chicago, everything I shared with the bro, the Peter Gabriel concert, the food, and the sights. The only thing I didn’t enjoy was getting COVID, which truly ruined a bunch of plans I had for October, including properly celebrating my anniversary. To boot, I coughed so much that I got a nasty back spasm that put me out of commission further for several days and took me several weeks to get back to normal.

 

But I ended the year going to Puerto Rico and spending time with the family. The trip also came with its own sets of challenges, but rather than talking about that, I’ll focus on the last full week, how I was able to spend a lot of time with the family and go surf five times in one week.

 

I didn’t meet my Goodreads goal but I still read 32 books, which is respectable. I also used my time out of commission in October to recalibrate and refocus myself and have been able to do some writing every single day since mid-October.

 

As you can see, it was up-down-up-down-up-down and so on and so forth. Still, it was a good year. Had some decent sales on Amazon, was able to coordinate with a book distributor to have my books in PR, was able to coordinate to have ALL my books in the ex-alum collection at my alma mater, and saw a lot of friends. Two huge highlights are thanks to two friends and want to make a specific shoutout to Judyliz Díaz, whom I know from my college days. Thanks to her, a classroom in the states purchased and discussed my bilingual collection Twenty Veinte. Secondly, I want to give a shout also to my wonderful horror brother from another mother, Mr. Ángel Isian for being so kind as to invite me to give a poetry workshop to his students. These are two beautiful highlights that I didn’t talk about much because I got distracted by life, but I’ll be talking about these experiences and more soon.

 

Did I have failures? Yes. 

 

Are there areas of opportunity? What can I say? I’m Only Human. 

 

Will there be goals I’ll bring to this year? You can bet your top, middle, or bottom dollar.

 

Is this good or bad? Neither. It’s life. And life brings surprises. Some are great and some are rough as hell. But you keep moving forward.

 

I had every intention of participating in more collections, but things didn’t pan out. That said, I still submitted one story which I still hope will be picked up for a Spanish horror short story collection. And it’s up to me, whether I focus on the one I was able to submit to or the three others I was not able to. It’s a tendency to focus on the negative or let that drag us down.

 

But I refuse to only focus on the negative.

 

Some great things happened last year. That’s not me looking at silver linings. That’s not me being an optimist. That’s a fact. And I choose to celebrate the good more than the bad, because I can, and so can you.

 

As for a grade, being objective, I’d give myself and A- or B+. Hovering between those two, which still puts me in good shape for this new semester. 

 

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

Are you content?

There is no shortage of quirks in regard to the English language. Among the many fascinating details we have to manage while we do our best to communicate, there’s a term called heteronyms. That’s what happens when you have two words written exactly the same way but not only does the pronunciation vary, so does their meaning.

 

When you read the title of this post, do you read content as in “a state of peaceful happiness or satisfaction” or do you read “the material discussed within a book, speech, or stuff we share on social media”? It’s easy to confuse the two, especially in these times since so often the production of one should lead to the production of the other.

 

So often, people seem to post content instead of enjoying the experience. Some insist they’re capturing memories, though too often it feels as if there's an ulterior motive, as if it's performative to a large degree. It’s not to share, for sharing’s sake. It’s because you want your experiences to resonate, to inspire, or even to compete and win against those of others.

 

Social media is an odd beast in so many ways, but among its most dangerous aspects is how deep it seeps into our reality and behavior. Even if you don’t post, the odds are still heavily in favor that you consume content, scroll, like, share, and comment until you’re kind of content.

 

I’ve shared thousands of posts on social media. Pictures, screenshots, memes, videos, songs, text, poems, silly pictures, jokes, and the occasional scream into the void. I try to be mindful, but FOMO (fear of missing out) can be very real, even if what causes that sentiment is probably manufactured.

 

So often, people share things and you can feel the underlying competitive aspect of what they share as if saying things like:

• My selfie has more likes than yours.
• My video from my trip has more views than yours.

But sometimes this behavior backfires, because the person doesn't get the response they want. No likes or loves. No comments. No shares. Nothing. The algorithm swallows the chance at a shot of dopamine that comes in the shape of validation. Or maybe people honestly don’t care what you do, share, or have to say…which clearly shows the risk you run by putting your joy in the hands of other people.

 

Content by itself doesn’t make us content…maybe it can be the means to get there from time to time, because like it or not, many people often hunger for that reaction and to feel relevant. But what you share by itself is actually pretty harmless. This changes when you tie social media to your passion or means of income. In short, the risk further escalates. Creators question the worth of their output, whether music, writing, art, or anything. They sometimes stop listening to the voice that is telling them what they should create. They forget how to play in the sandbox of their soul. All of this in favor of switching things up to get results.

 

And results come from content…even if it doesn’t leave you feeling content. The Internet is flooded by how-to’s, step-by-steps, guides to success, and professionals who focus on the generation of material to get the results you need. By the way, a word to the wise: careful with whom you trust your time, energy, and money, because some people are just interested in their bank accounts and agendas.

 

A brief scan of social media and you’ll see people who have their style down to a science…and too often it feels as if people lean on formulas to feed the algorithm instead of feeding their souls and doing what brings them joy and fulfillment. They need to “win” either by increasing their sales, their engagement, or their views, even if it costs them their enjoyment.

 

Then there are those who say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery…which isn’t the whole quote, but let's start there and go over a possible scenario which could be something like this: someone sees a page that has a lot of views, they see what the other person is doing, then they either do their version of it, or basically do a carbon copy of what other people do…just to get results. It reminds me of bands that aren’t paying tribute to other bands, but basically ripping them off if only to get a quick way to gain success. By the way, the full quote from the line that starts this paragraph comes from Oscar Wilde and goes thusly: Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness. And alas, some people are too happy to engage in mediocrity if it gives them the results and validation they crave.

 

However, it’s not just mediocrity, some people also adopt personas that are engaging to others and that people respond to, even if they’re a far cry from how the person is in real life or even if they wear a smile even if inside they feel horrible. This happens all the time on social media and with famous people who could be sponsored by their preferred brand of artificial sweetener.

 

But what happens when you’re not famous? What happens when you don’t get the likes and engagement you want? There’s a real risk with your emotional state and general mental health.

 

I am old enough to remember doing stuff with friends or by myself just for the fun of it and to a great extent it felt as if we were consistently doing our best to create memories or dare I say, just having fun. If there was an algorithm it was internal and although the fear of missing out was still there, there was no fear of missing out on sharing every bit of what we experienced to demonstrate that our lives were awesome.

 

SEO has geared people to do all sorts of things thinking about their perceived audience. Alas, too often we forget that we are more than content and we should strive to feel more than just content.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

What’s in a number?

As humans we’re often fascinated by numbers. 

 

The weight of a boulder. The height of a mountain. The depth of an ocean. The speed of sound. The speed of light. The amount of chocolate chips in the largest chocolate chip cookie in the world. The amount of money some movie earned.

 

When you write, there are several numbers that can come to mind. 

 

How many words have you written? 

How many books have you published? 

How many awards have you won?

 

Other numbers can haunt us.

 

How many typos were in that first draft? 

How many books have I sold? 

How many books do I need to sell to break even? 

How long will it take to finish my next book? 

How long will it take to make it? 

How many reviews have your books gotten?

 

This year marks ten years since I published my first book, Only Human.

 

Ten years.

 

A decade.

 

It sounds big because it is big. It’s a significant amount of time from any angle you look at it, as long as it’s a human perspective. Ten years is nothing to the world, the solar system, the galaxy, or the universe.

 

But to a human? It’s pretty big. It’s not huge. But you can’t deny its weight and not just because it’s trendy to be able to put 10^th anniversary on anything you do. It’s not many things we willingly stick to for a decade unless we love it...which is why it still feels like I’m getting started.

 

Some people have asked me, “how does it feel to have made it?” I can’t answer that question because in my eyes, I have not made it. Not by a long shot. I have over twenty projects at different stages of development. I don't have a TED Talk. I haven't given a commencement speech.I haven’t had a movie, show, or video game adaptation to become part of the zeitgeist, which means that only do I want an adaptation, I want it to be good enough to have people know my characters by name and for the work to live with them...and for fans to still say, meh, the book’s better.

 

Last year was not a busy one on this blog. This isn’t a complaint or an apology, it’s just a statement based on fact. I had nine blog posts including one for Mom, two for Puerto Rico after Hurricane Fiona, two for March of the Writers, and one guest blog post. This post alone means I’m 9 blog posts away from being more active than last year.

 

Is it a resolution?

 

No.

 

Is it a promise?

 

No.

 

It’s me saying I’m in a better place now than I was a year ago and we’ll talk about that and a lot more things as we go along the year.

 

In 2022, I was able to publish a grand total of one book to continue my yearly tradition of publishing something on Mother’s Day. For this year, there will be a book published on that date...and the plan is to publish a couple more.

 

I’ve known to start a year off with a long list of resolutions or goals or things I will do in a year. I’m not in the mood for any of that. I just want to write and keep having fun. I also want to share that fun with people if only to encourage others to also have fun.

 

The first post on this blog was in May 11, 2013. That’s almost a month after I published Only Human which is as telling a sign as I think I can offer in regards to my writer journey. There’s a lot of winging, a lot of improvising, a lot of guessing, and a lot of doing something for the sake of doing it along with a lot of discovery in my writer journey of who I am as writer, a creative, and a human. My books, my blog, and what I do on social media are all reflections of who I am. Is there book promotion? Sure. But it’s not the majority, because although I love selling my books and making sure I’m not in the red, what drives me is discovery and connection with you and with myself.

 

Right now we’re connecting on some words you’re reading on your phone or computer and to some degree, we’re connecting. Last year I won my first award with my writing and it felt nice to have some sort of validation. On that note, I promise I will continue submitting my work because I know that if I write well enough, it can open doors to what matters: connecting with people. Please note I said people and not just readers.

 

Yes, I want to connect with readers.

 

Yes, I want to win awards.

 

Yes, I want sales.

 

Yes, I want to get more reviews.

 

Yes, I want writing to eventually pay the bills.

 

But it all goes back to connecting. I want the means to do more of what I love and reach more people so we can talk about books, writing, and the words that connect us.

 

Ten years.

 

It’s huge.

 

It’s a blip.

 

It’s whatever we make of it.

 

This may be the first of many blog posts for 2023 or it just may be a captured moment. Regardless, it is also a genuine Thank You for joining me on my first decade as a published author. Now let’s see if I can keep you guessing and keep you reading.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

 

 

Creative alternatives to address gun violence

If you think the opioid addiction crisis is bad, it pales into comparison to the addiction the US has with firearms. Just this post alone has been restarted three times because three major shootings have happened in less than two weeks.

 

It’s easy to feel hopeless with the seemingly never-ending gun-related events that continue to plague the U.S. It’s easy to feel disheartened, because for every effort to try and implement common sense laws that are designed not to limit your right to bear your arms, but to protect people from future events like what happens on an almost weekly basis, we keep seeing thoughts, prayers, and excuses.

 

It’s easy to feel this way because politicians and gun activists continue to turn a blind eye to this pandemic that’s been plaguing the U.S. far longer than COVID. It’s easy because they continue to use gun laws to appease to a certain voter base that wants guns for everyone and not much else or so it appears. Just look at the talking points of the Florida and Texas governors. Just look at other politicians who make campaign ads talking about machine gun bacon. Look at how fervent they defend the right to guns but fight against affordable healthcare, reproductive rights, the right to clean air and clean water, and so many other things that fall on the wayside because it’s a higher priority to protect the right to bear arms than it is to do pretty much anything else to benefit your average citizen.

 

You see all of this and it’s extremely easy to want to give up.

 

Well, it’s easy if you’re not one of the people who have lost a loved one to gun violence. For those people, it’s impossible to want to give up.

 

Angry? Frustrated? Enraged? Heart-broken?

 

Yes, to all of these.

 

But deterred?

 

How about no. How about hell no. (For an example, look at the acceptance speech of Manuel and Patricia Oliver, who are the parents of Joaquín Oliver, who was murdered four years ago in the Parkland shooting ). Then look at the ad for “The Lost Class” made by Leo Burnett.

 

In one weekend during May 2022, not one but two shootings occurred. Both showed clear signs that something could happen. Both happened anyways. Then a third shooting happened this week where teachers and students were gunned down by another person who had easy access to an AR-15. And still people insist these are isolated incidents and fight tooth and nail for change to not happen. They still complain about everything that’s wrong with the country and how everything’s so unfair and living conditions are impossible, etc. etc. But regulating guns? Nah. We can’t do anything there. Our hands are tied. Or maybe they’re too busy counting corporate money from the NRA. What I’m not sure is if they check their bank accounts before or after tweeting their thoughts and prayers.

 

People are expected to train for an active shooter but not much is done to deter, minimize, or make things a little harder for a shooter. By the way, let me edit that last sentence to make it a bit more uncomfortable. Children are expected to train for an active shooter. Children. And if that’s not insane enough, then tell me why it’s harder for you to buy cold medicine at a pharmacy than it is to buy a gun in many places in this country.

 

Which gets me to thinking maybe we need a different approach to address gun violence.

 

Imagine debt forgiveness, a living wage, or full health insurance for the entire family if you agree to vote for universal background checks. How about free gas for 5 years if we agree to a nation-wide 48 hr. holding period? How about halving the interest on your mortgage if we raise the age of being able to buy a gun to 21? How about free tuition for your kids if people are required to take a written and practical test to own a gun? How about free treatment for members of your community with a terminal condition or free insulin for any members in your community who have diabetes if we ban AR-15s and all high-capacity weaponry? How about free food, housing, and job placement for people in your community suffering from homelessness if people with a criminal record are unable to get guns nation-wide?

 

No? Then how about people make a wish list. The sky’s the limit because after all, this isn’t going to fly, right? Then why not go hog wild and say what you really want. People are not saying hand in your guns. They’re saying: let’s put laws into effect to make a background check mandatory. They’re saying maybe it’s not a great idea to sell guns to minors. They’re saying maybe you don’t need an assault rifle to hunt buck. They’re saying, if you have a criminal record or a history of violence, that maybe, possibly, it’s not the best idea to let you buy any weapon you want with little to no resistance. So ask away. State your demands. Let people know what it will take to bring change, and again, this is not to take away all your guns, it’s to try and do something to make it so that we don’t have a mass shooting every week. How sad is it that if we had a mass shooting every month it’d be not only an improvement, but a DRASTIC improvement?

 

Oh wait, the new talking point for THIS go around is that it’s a problem with mental illness. That’s the only issue. Although I completely agree that the US has a huge problem with mental illness and access to mental health care and coverage for everyone, some people have defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results...except that to compound things, nothing has been done since Sandy Hook, which would make this even worse than insanity. It makes the lack of change irresponsible, idiotic, vile, and dare I say, un-American.

 

• Universal background checks.
• Nation-wide 48 hr. holding period.
• Raise the age of being able to buy a gun to 21.
• Written and practical tests to own a gun.
• Ban AR-15s and all high-capacity weaponry.
• If you have a criminal record and a history a violence, you don’t get to buy a gun.

 

There’s no reason all of these measures can’t be put into place. Excuses? Corporate interests? Yes. But no logical reason why any of these measures weren’t implemented a decade ago or right now.

#SoftNaNo

November. 

A month where we think of Thanksgiving, where Fall gets confused with Winter in some countries or states, where leaves finally turn to new shades of wonderful colors, and where writers dive into National Novel Writing Month (also known as NaNo Wrimo – Pronounced [Na-no -Wry-Moe]).

 

I’ve done both NaNo Wrimo and Camp NaNoWrimo and have benefitted from both. To participate in NaNo during November, the goal is to write 50,000 words in one month. If ALL you’re doing is writing, it’s a doable task and one that teaches you discipline and has a very active community in many places around the world. For Camp NaNo, you’re the one who establishes the writing goals for the month. It’s more flexible and can be as intense or as loosey goosey as you want. Before I knew what Camp NaNo was, there was a moment where I did something I called #NaNoEstrada during November and set my own goals for several projects. In the end, the intention of this wonderful effort is to get people writing, creating habits, and pushing everyone a bit…but for some people, FULL NaNo is a bit intimidating and often frustrating. 

 

In my case, November has often been problematic for this type of writing because in the industries I’ve worked in, November often brings end of the year campaigns, communications, events, and beyond and adding 50,000 words to that is batty at best. From what I gather, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one for whom the month does little in the way of cooperating. This can lead to stress, frustration, angst, dread, and all sorts of goodies that we’re basically piling on ourselves.

 

2021 has had its own agenda and I’ve had to adjust continuously to stay afloat and motivated. So for this year, I’m doing what I’m labeling #SoftNaNo. It is closer to Camp NaNo but for me, I’m not measuring any word count or page count, I’m just focusing on broader milestones, i.e. finishing a chapter, outlining a story arc, writing a short story, writing three poems, editing a chapter or section of a book, and stuff of the sort. Although I have an overall idea of what I want to achieve during the month, there are two main goals: Creating Momentum & Enjoying the Process.

 

Too often I see people fixated on word/page count, on pushing, and pushing, and pushing, and enjoyment is set to a side. I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, by the way. I’m saying this has happened to me and I’ve seen it happen to others. This has everything to do with people finding motivation in different things and in different ways and that leads me to something I often recommend: do what works for you.

 

The NaNo Community offers a lot of support, but not everyone is on your side, which goes for pretty much every community. There are people who are in a constant state of worry and worry can be quite contagious. There are other people who share their word counts in a very arrogant manner and you see a person here and there who takes NaNo as the chance to compete and belittle fellow writers, which goes against the very core of what NaNo WriMo is. NaNo is about the individual AND the collective. It’s about rallying yourself and others. It’s about motivation and momentum. It’s not a word-count swinging competition for however much some people insist it is or at least I don’t think it should be (and I suspect I’m not alone).

 

With #SoftNaNo, what I’ve done is commit myself to do something writing related every single day and sometimes, that doesn’t even include writing a single word. Too often we focus on getting the words down that we lose our way in a story. As I’ve been working on Beyond Human, I also have a lot of other projects and what I’m in the mood for one day is not the same as the next. This includes short story collections, translations, and future outlines. If time or focus have not been on my side, I’ve sat down to have a proper think about the story, where it is, where it’s going and that led to adjusting 12 chapters of my outline after 2-3 times of sitting down to think. I’ve done a lot of writing by hand and have held from transcribing in the hopes of giving things time to settle a bit. I’ve also revisited some texts from a soon-to-come release and have adjusted accordingly. The goal is to achieve flow as often and in as many ways as possible and to be honest, it’s been very lovely.

 

I’ve stayed away from beating myself up over typos, unmet goals, and other stuff, and have instead focused on being mindful of all the things I’m doing, which includes leisure, relaxing, and research (i.e. watching movies, playing video games, reading, posting random stuff on social media, and enjoying life). Which reminds me, I’ve been posting more random stuff and not being so strict ALL the time about what I post and how I post it. Again, while some people are turning it up to 11 or 12, I’m turning it down and it’s been lovely. 

 

Life can often be hard…and sometimes the best way to meet something like that head-on is to be soft in return. I’m posting this today because we’re halfway through the month and halfway through NaNo. If you need to switch things up? By all means, take this as an invitation to cut yourself some slack. If full NaNo is working for you, cheers, kudos, and keep at it. I salute all writers during this month. May the muses dance with all of us and may we all write a collective storm. 

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

Ride on, Tom

Today the bodyboarding community unites to send off someone who is our collective grandfather or uncle, Tom Morey. This year we celebrated 50 years of bodyboarding and today we raise a glass of salt-water wine to the guy who started it all for us. 

 

What’s curious is that Tom invented many things…but the bodyboard is what unites so many of us today and he’ll probably be most known for. Generous with his time and knowledge, I don’t know a single person who met him who didn’t think the world of him. What I love about Tom is that like many of the highest profile riders and ambassadors of the sport, he was always humble and never interested much in tooting his own horn. Instead, he’d rather play the ukulele or do something more worthwhile to contribute to the world.

 

If you see his trajectory, it’s also clear he was never in it for the money and instead was more into spreading aloha and creating an invention that at the same time lowers and elevates the skill curve of wave riding. I’ve always mentioned that one of the more beautiful things about bodyboarding is how accessible it is, meaning that most people can put on a pair of fins, paddle out, and catch a wave. You might not be an expert or do the more advanced maneuvers, but you’ll be able to ride a wave and even make it to the shore during your first surf. At the same time, the nature of bodyboarding allows people to make critical drops and throw PLENTY of caution to the wind. How much? Well let’s just say MANY of the waves you’ve seen “discovered” by surfers were ridden by bodyboarders first. When you see contests, it’s always extremely competitive because the level is so high making it a truly global sport with chargers from anywhere with waves. 

Growing up on an Island, it’s fairly normal to pick up a watercraft of some sort. As for falling in love with the sport, well how often can you do something that lets you feel like you’re flying over water? I’ve been riding over 20 years and some of my happiest, most profound, and intense experiences have been in a lineup. I’ve had a blast surfing with friends and been able to heal deep wounds and experience profound epiphanies in the waves…all thanks to one invention from a dreamer that today rides on into the light. 

 

From so many who shall keep riding your dream.

 

Mahalo

Here today…

Yesterday I learned that a fellow member of the indie community took his life last week. Although I’ve known of people who have committed suicide, this is the most I’ve known someone and if it’s hard for me to wrap my head around it, I can’t imagine people who were close to him and his family. 

 

This is a post with me trying to sort what I feel about someone whom I knew and who is now gone. The fact is that although I liked him, we weren’t that close. My inbox was always open if he wanted to chat and we kept in touch, though it was far from being joined at the hip. Even so, I find it extremely upsetting because I don’t think anyone deserves to feel that way or reach that point, yet it happens way more often than it should. He had talent, wit, and could definitely be intense, though my experience with him was always positive and as I mentioned before, I liked the guy.

 

Different people will respond to a situation like this with anger, sadness, frustration, and a variety of feelings. Some will hurt because they might feel they didn’t reach out in time or didn’t do enough to help. Some will want to punch a wall and say he was selfish. Some will be left wondering what the hell happened. People will also speculate over what led to him taking that action. All of these are understandable responses yet none will bring him back and nothing anyone says or does from now on can bring back any person who has passed away. 

 

He was here one moment…and the next he was gone. 

 

But today is here and if you’re reading this, you’re here today and can pick to be here tomorrow. Mental health is a fragile thing. Especially during these times. This blog and writing in general have helped me sort through some tough situations in life. Music also helps, as does exercise, as does doing a variety of things in the pursuit of happiness and the attempt at balance. But I have had to ask for help before and didn’t think twice about it. Pride could have gotten in the way, but there’s a time and a place for pride, and when you’re struggling, that is a time to set pride aside and forget concepts like shame or embarrassment. If you need help, ask for help. If one door doesn’t open, go to another, and another, and another, and as many as you need. I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it won’t hurt. I’m not saying it’ll make sense and all will be wonderful. But you’ll still have a chance to find another smile, make a difference, and find meaning.

 

Some people lose touch with their meaning, their purpose, and even their will to live. Judging these people won’t bring them back, make you stronger, or superior. Some people will offer a shoulder to cry on, some people will do their best to offer to help, or help them get help. Sometimes it’ll make the difference and it’ll work and we’ll avoid a sad loss…other times it won’t. 

 

Last week, a lot of people lost someone they cared about. For a lot of people, someone is gone…but we aren’t. 

 

We’re here today…and that being the case, we can call or write someone we love, help someone out, or ask for help. Too often pride gets in the way of that and we should never feel ashamed to ask for help if we need to. 

 

The number to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 / 1-800-273-TALK. If you need it, use it. Talk. If you need help, ask for help, by any means. You can feel embarrassed later and we can talk about it over a cup of coffee or tea. No harm, no foul. 

 

So be kind to yourself

 

Be kind to others

 

And here’s to today…

 

So we can enjoy tomorrow.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

Transactional relationships and other harsh truths

Some people are only happy to help someone as long as there is a return of investment. And just because that sounds harsh, doesn’t mean it’s not true. It’s the difference between genuinely supporting others and verifying checks and balances or what we could call…

Transactional relationships (n.): 

People who interact with others while always focusing on how they can benefit from this contact.

Does that sound rough? Maybe; but it’s pretty true and there are a couple of truths like this. For starters…some people will not care about you, your projects, or your dreams…let alone your success or your wellbeing. They will only want to know how you can help them out with their to-do list.

In plainer words, they’ll only be interested in you as long as you can benefit them.

Some might be interested in connections you have; others will only be focused on selling you a product or service. Emotionally speaking, some people will always welcome your presence when they need a shoulder to cry on but when you’re in a pinch or feeling down, they’re not nearly as accessible. That’s because them having to invest in you takes away from them - their time, their energy, and beyond.

It’s a shame, but it happens. When it comes to fellow authors, some people will gladly exchange 5-star reviews…which to me is neither normal or legitimate. I rate as I see fit and a pre-existing rating is not something I’m in favor of and will get anyone expediently filed on the unfollow list or just keep at a distance. I will always be honest with how I rate a book in regards to how I feel about it when I read it. I don’t expect anyone to give me a 5-star review because I’m a nice guy or retaliate if I have something to say about their work. I’ve gotten 3-star reviews that were spot on and I appreciate them. I’ve also gotten empty 5-star reviews and what I feel are unfair ratings, both good and bad.

But there are different examples. Some people don’t know any better and just ALWAYS lead with what they’re doing, what they need, and them being at the beginning, middle, and end of a conversation. I always try and make sure that I ask how people are doing and how things are with them and I will admit that I’m awful at asking for help or favors because it’s just uncomfortable for me for a variety of reasons, but that’s me.

So if you’re even in a situation where you kind of feel pressured to do X or Y thing or as if some people just want to use you for their benefit, then feel free to take an honest look and see if it’s worth your time to continue with that contact. Some people are still great even when they lead with all things them. But other people, not so much, and if last year taught us anything it’s that we should always strive to invest our time and energy in the best way possible.

Peace, love, and maki rolls.