While giving a compliment can make someone’s day, giving a back-handed compliment can do the opposite…and it happens way too often.
“That person looks good…for their: age, weight, nationality, height, body type, skin color, sense of style, hair length, hair color” and beyond.
The person should have stopped when they said “good.”
That person looks good.
Period.
No need for caveats, buts, exceptions, loaded words, or thinly veiled judgment. There is a spectrum of beauty. Something people easily forget. For both men and women, it’s a minefield of expectations they have to sort through along with feelings of inadequacy that are all too common.
For women, beauty is an endless topic of contention. It’s a dangerous obsession and the media often promotes unhealthy standards of beauty that switch arbitrarily, often just in time to have people need to hit new goals once they arrive at what was supposedly a standard of beauty.
Too fat. Too skinny. Arms too big. Love handles. Ass too big. Ass too small. Square hips. Too much hips. Tits too big. Tits too small. Chin not fine enough. Lips too big. Eyes too dark. Eyes too clear. Too short. Too tall. Huge feet. Jaw too square. Tiny hands. Long neck. Short torso. Too muscular. Knobby knees. Thicc thighs. Hair too thick. Hair too thin. Hair too long. Hair not long enough.
And age? It’s as if women aren’t allowed to be attractive past a certain age.
And
That
Is
Bullshit
Fortunately, things have shifted a bit and women are taking back their sensuality but they’re doing it boisterously because there are still circles that want to cast beautiful women as grandmas and nothing else. Very often you hear actresses have to defend what they wear or don’t wear. That they use makeup, that they don’t use makeup, that they dye their hair, that they embrace their grays. And whatever the answer, for some people and certain circles, it’ll never be enough.
But correct me if I’m wrong, last I checked Halle Berry (57), Elizabeth Hurley (58), Michelle Yeoh (61), Salma Hayek (57), Charlize Theron (48), Sade Adu (64), Susan Sarandon (77), Jamie Lee Curtis (65), Iman (68), Dolly Parton (77), Kate Beckinsale (50), (Jennifer Lopez (54), Susanna Hoffs (62), Lynda Carter (72), and Shakira (46), don’t just look good for their age. They look good. Period. And lord, Rita Moreno is 92 and beautiful.
But we still hear people insist on including “for” in any compliments given.
How about we nix that word and focus on the compliment we want to give?
And although to a drastically reduced level, men also get a bit of that “for” goodness.
He looks good for his weight, height, body type, nationality, skin color, and age. And sometimes you get some “evens” thrown in. He looks good, even without hair, even with a patchy beard, even, even, even…
It’s baffling to see the use of these words. Seriously, what’s the need for that “for”? Why insist on bringing down someone a notch or several notches after bringing them up? Why put an asterisk on someone rather than recognize that they are not only enough but amazing?
Do away with for. Stop before for. Do not give in to for. For if you do, then for shame, for you miss out on an opportunity to recognize beauty for what it is. Whatever the race, the age, the weight, the hair color, the gender, the orientation, or the style, there’s more beauty than there is lack of it. Instead, embrace and celebrate the true spectrum of beauty, for it will benefit everyone to do away with for, once and for all.
Peace, love, and maki rolls.
