The need to believe in yourself

Sometimes goals can seem like a mountain, borderline impossible. Some people can offer you support, though in the end, either you believe you can climb that mountain or you won’t get anywhere. 

We all have our mountain, it could be a job promotion, it could be losing weight, it could be learning a new language or skill, it could be winning a prize, it could be writing an entire first draft during a month (go NaNo go NaNo go!) or it could just be to finally do something you’ve been putting off for years. I’ve only been alive for 34 years, and in that time I’ve learned that although having someone believe in you can give you that extra push, the main propulsion comes from within.

If you say you want it mean it.

Show that you want it.

No excuses.

No fears.

Do it.

Only Human took me over 7 years to complete. That’s more than a Bachelor’s Degree and a short Master’s. That’s well over 2,500 days. Some moments it was fast, others it was slow, editing was torture, transcribing took me months… still, I never doubted for one single second I was going to finish and publish it. I wasn’t worried about the how or the specifics. I just knew it was going to get done.

There was no other option.

There was no exit route.

There was only the mountain and once I started writing, I promised myself I wouldn’t stop until I reached the summit.

Throughout this process, there have been voices of support and voices of criticism. That’s the nature of when you want to do something that matters. You will hear both sides of the story, the good and the bad. People who believe in you, people who will question your methods, people who will wonder how you can do that and congratulate you and people who wonder why you want to do that and consider it a waste of time.

This applies to anything you set your heart to.

You will be offered support, reasons to quit, escape routes, and countless other paths.

Stay on course. Listen, learn and accept criticism, support, questioning and love equally. In the end, it may influence but it shouldn’t matter.

Be deaf and blind and dumb to everything that might distract you. The mountain is still there. It isn’t going anywhere and you will always have two choices, keep climbing up or go back down.

I never looked back or questioned my path. I’ve been called brilliant and ballsy and have also been tossed to the side as someone who self published with a vanity print.

Everyone is entitled to their opinion, as am I, as are you.

My opinion has never changed. I have a story. I want to share it. I want to share it on my terms. I am willing to invest time, money, effort and put my name on something I believe in. It might have been quicker at sometimes more so than others… still. I always climbed up. The fingers of my patience might have hurt, but they never faltered.

Seven years is a long time… that is until you conquer your goal it seems like only yesterday you started.

So here’s to listening to the good and bad, to appreciating the support and the naysayers and to always climbing.

After all, it’s just a mountain.

The many faces of help

As an independent writer, there are many questions I get asked though surprisingly, a very common one is: how can I help you? It takes me by surprise each time because there is no limit to the generosity of people who want to do their part to genuinely help me out of the kindness of their heart.

So I gave this some thought and I think that during this initial phase as a writer, there are actually several things people can do to help.

1. If you like something you read, tell someone about it. That’s the most basic thing I can tell you and though it sounds obvious, it isn’t. Most of the books I have sold have come from me interacting with people and they being kind enough to refer my work to other people. One good review can do endlessly more than one BS ad.
2. Reviews. The more reviews a book has, the more serious it’ll be taken by passersby. Out of all the reviews of my books, I’ve asked for NONE of them and I want to keep it that way. If someone has enjoyed reading me and they have a spare couple of minutes, one review makes one hell of a difference. By the way, honesty is always paramount and if you think my book sucks, I may be disappointed I didn’t please, but I’ll be forever grateful for any feedback. It might just be what I need to read to become a better writer.
3. Talk about me on social media. Every retweet, every google plus, every share on Facebook helps me reach more people. It’s as simple as that. I am not opulent, I do not have the luxury of a huge advertising budget. I rely on my writing and people being kind enough to refer me to reach people. So a hashtag like #JDEstradawriter, #OnlyHuman or #theHumanCycle goes a long way to help. I have also made a conscious decision to not spam any of my accounts. An occasional post will be shared and lots of other content because coming from a background in advertising, I know how much it sucks for you to be bombarded with ten reasons to buy my book.
4. Ask for my book in a bookstore. Although I make FAR less money this way, it puts me on the radar and gives me a chance to participate in more events and to even be called for more books.
5. Interact. A like is nice. When you interact and allow us to have a human connection, THAT’S when magic happens.

My thanks for all the people who have asked me how to help. Thank you for your support, your love, your time and for believing in this human’s path.

Cheers,

JD

Defining infinity

The concept of infinity is fascinating. If you subscribe to the theory that energy is neither created nor destroyed, then infinity starts to gain some poetry in your perspective.

For me, energy is completely plastic in the sense that we can mold it AND it's recyclable.

When you part from this point of view, you see that what you put into life is often what you get out of it. I won't say there aren't exceptions where you definitely would like to call your server at the karma restaurant and ask why you got some foul plate.

Still, for the last couple of years, adopting a more positive point of view has helped me leaps and bounds to deal with various challenges that have come along the way, not to mention it has helped me focus on my writing.

Infinity goes on and on and on, and we can influence it. One good deed at a time, one good action at a time, one selfless favor you don't do expecting anything in return. I've seen the return investment of being kinder, more generous and nicer. It's worth it because I realize why the concept of infinity is so scary for so many people: it includes a lot of things we do not know and it swims in an ocean of uncertainty.

The unknown and uncharted territory in general are definitely intimidating; still, if you go with a decent attitude, odds are quite high you can actually enjoy everything you explore.

So next time someone cuts you off, says something rude or simply sucks, feel free to ignore and instead of retaliating, use that energy for something else. And I'm not talking always peace and love. Trust me, many a person has been on the wrong side of a fan when the poop hits it in my stories. That isn't a coincidence. It's just my way of knowing how to use what life gives me.

We can all change our eyes

For the longest time I was a pessimist, I got angry easily and had a hard time letting go of grudges. I also did a great job at justifying all of these feelings so if anyone asked me why I was angry, I had the perfect basis, the right answer that would hold water and that they'd have to take me as I was...

Life had a way of showing me just how much energy I was wasting with this attitude. Don't get me wrong, I still get angry, although there's a marked difference in duration and on me staying with my single vision rather than practicing empathy.

The fact remains that although it took its toll on me, it was easy to be angry, it was easy to not be tolerant and it was easy to retaliate.

As years have passed, I've grown to appreciate the power and influence of hindsight and have looked to my past in search of answers to move forwards. It hasn't always been easy and there has been more than one bitter pill to swallow... still, I'm better for it. I feel better, I'm calmer, more in control and it doesn't hurt to be positives... especially in the face of adversity.

Although it was a long process, the decision took one moment. Drop the tainted glasses and put on a new pair. One that gave me balance and control, no matter what has come along.

Do I trip and sometimes fall off the wagon? Of course. Old habits are hard to break... still, breaking them has been one of the best things in my life because I've been able to channel my energy to do things that matter a hell of a lot more to me than making a clever sarcastic remark full of spite.

So here's to choosing the eyes with which we see life.

After all, it's always about choice and this was mine.

One Little Victory

When things are dark and awful, light can shine on your life with one thing.

One Little victory.

One event.

One moment where you feel the tide shift in your favor.

Tough days happen. Days where you are sad and frustrated. All of that can change with one event. If you talk to people and read, you see that most of us have our own set of situations and it is intensely easy to lose ourselves in our scenarios.

After a couple of days, it can get to you in part because you become myopic in the grand scope of things. I’ve gone through my share of rough patches and in one recent patch, where emotions threatened to get the best of me, I decided to take action.

I got home, did some reading, found a cause to help and donated $40.00 to help a man with advanced ALS to save his home. Then I decided to go surf. Then I set a goal of one of my projects and met it. Then the next day I bought a man’s breakfast. Then I asked two visitors at my office if they cared for some coffee on the house.

Each of these actions was a small victory and it all began with the most important victory of all:

Deciding to break the cycle and doing things to make a positive impact.

The work is still there, the deadlines and due dates are still there, the people with less than stellar attitudes also remain. These things linger and should not have the power to cloud your mood. They shouldn’t block the light that shines from within and are actually invitations to be better people despite what we face and to focus on all the good we can do.

That’s a far cry from all the complaining I was doing. And you know what?

All it took was one little victory. 

The truth of a bad day

When we have a less than stellar day, seeing into the future is quite the challenge. Oftentimes we latch onto negative emotional anchors that truly deter us from getting anywhere.

Still, there are some lovely facts to hold onto that will help you cut the ropes of the anchors to sail towards brighter seas.

1. You choose how to handle the day. Although there are many things we could focus on, the fact remains, you have more power and more control than you give yourself credit for. ALWAYS remember that.
2. A bad day is actually quite often less than 24 hours, so even a bad day is technically quite often not a full bad day because we are usually awake for 16-18 hours.
3. We can choose to have a better day the moment we decide to only carry the clothes on our backs. It sounds simple to leave a problem to the side and the fact is that it can be. We decide how much time to invest on a something and to develop and nurture mindsets we can switch to.
4. There is always someone going through more than you. I can’t stress how effective this has been in my life to adopt a more positive and thankful mindset.
5. It is well within our capabilities to dispense with the romanticizing of misery. Sure being sad and angry can help us create something beautiful, but so can looking past those emotions.

Face it, bad days can, do and will happen. It’s up to you whether you want to brave the storm or capsize at the first sign of waves. 

Birth of a Twist

In my search for photography that captures what I’m trying to communicate, I often get to the point of “good enough”. Add to this that I also have to worry about copyrights and other details, and lately more and more I’ve opted to use my own visuals to convey my message.

I want more than good enough, I wanted something mine... but I needed some help.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m fascinated by humanity and what makes us human. That said, I wanted something simple and basic to communicate things that are complex and while searching for something to help me out, I remembered an old friend who kept me company in many an ad agency and helped me mindsurf to relieve stress.

He was with me for the longest time and I always wondered if there was something more for us to share. Recently, I remembered Twist. I wrote him a message, asked if he’d like to help and this was his reply:

“As long as you take pictures of me surfing, count on me for anything.”

So here he is, dear friends. The model at the For Writing Out Loud blog, Twist.

Cheers

Oh and here's a pic of our first surf session.