Transactional relationships and other harsh truths

Some people are only happy to help someone as long as there is a return of investment. And just because that sounds harsh, doesn’t mean it’s not true. It’s the difference between genuinely supporting others and verifying checks and balances or what we could call…

Transactional relationships (n.): 

People who interact with others while always focusing on how they can benefit from this contact.

Does that sound rough? Maybe; but it’s pretty true and there are a couple of truths like this. For starters…some people will not care about you, your projects, or your dreams…let alone your success or your wellbeing. They will only want to know how you can help them out with their to-do list.

In plainer words, they’ll only be interested in you as long as you can benefit them.

Some might be interested in connections you have; others will only be focused on selling you a product or service. Emotionally speaking, some people will always welcome your presence when they need a shoulder to cry on but when you’re in a pinch or feeling down, they’re not nearly as accessible. That’s because them having to invest in you takes away from them - their time, their energy, and beyond.

It’s a shame, but it happens. When it comes to fellow authors, some people will gladly exchange 5-star reviews…which to me is neither normal or legitimate. I rate as I see fit and a pre-existing rating is not something I’m in favor of and will get anyone expediently filed on the unfollow list or just keep at a distance. I will always be honest with how I rate a book in regards to how I feel about it when I read it. I don’t expect anyone to give me a 5-star review because I’m a nice guy or retaliate if I have something to say about their work. I’ve gotten 3-star reviews that were spot on and I appreciate them. I’ve also gotten empty 5-star reviews and what I feel are unfair ratings, both good and bad.

But there are different examples. Some people don’t know any better and just ALWAYS lead with what they’re doing, what they need, and them being at the beginning, middle, and end of a conversation. I always try and make sure that I ask how people are doing and how things are with them and I will admit that I’m awful at asking for help or favors because it’s just uncomfortable for me for a variety of reasons, but that’s me.

So if you’re even in a situation where you kind of feel pressured to do X or Y thing or as if some people just want to use you for their benefit, then feel free to take an honest look and see if it’s worth your time to continue with that contact. Some people are still great even when they lead with all things them. But other people, not so much, and if last year taught us anything it’s that we should always strive to invest our time and energy in the best way possible.

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

An Alma Mater for Everyone

Although I’m not a fan of the band Creed, I do recognize that the first album has some solid tracks I enjoy. Not only that, “How You Remind Me” by Nickelback is a good song and Chad Kroeger’s song from the Spider-Man 2 soundtrack is also enjoyable. 

 

To some people, they’d heartily disagree. For others, they’ll throw up a bit in their mouths, and for others still…

 

THIS

 

IS

 

HERESY

 

Yet if the school of life has taught me anything, it’s that it’s always best to enjoy what you like and leave naysayers to their own devices. In other words, #YouDoYou.

 

For the longest time, I’ve always focused on what I enjoy, what makes me happy, and the things that motivate me. It’s been years since I was dismissive of someone’s taste in literature, videogames, movies, food, and music, and I always do my absolute best to recognize that MY opinion is subjective and need not apply to anyone else and that this goes both ways. In fact, I always invite people to try things for themselves and not be dissuaded by one opinion, even if it's mine.

 

Case in point, The Fountain movie. Directed by Darren Aronofsky, and starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz, this movie is amazing for me, yet critics didn’t care much for it. Led Zeppelin 3 is a polarizing album in their discography, and while some people think it’s a misfire, it is my favorite Zeppelin album. Some people love a frequented Mexican restaurant back in Puerto Rico, but for me, it’s Frida’s and every single other Mexican restaurant is fighting for second place and they should teach how to make those margaritas. Some people hate root beer, sarsaparilla, and other weird sodas, yet I love them. White chocolate is despised and written off as basically sugar and cocoa fat, but I love it. Uni nigiri sushi (sea urchin) makes some people nauseous, while few bites of food can match its ability to transport me to another world. Seriously, it’s the closest you’ll see me to have a cartoon reaction in real life.

 

In short, I like what I like and can agree to disagree…and mean it. I didn’t enjoy Twilight the movie or would even consider reading 50 Shades of Gray, but am thankful they exist because BOTH series have gotten people into reading again. I am not a huge fan of Top 40 music, but for some reason, I enjoy Post Malone (just don’t play his cover of Hootie and the Blowfish’s hit, Only wanna be with you, unless it’s for a young’un). I can’t say I’ve listened to Celine Dion albums, but I recognize world class talent when it’s apparent and would happily see her live. In short, I’m not closed to most experiences without giving them a try if I’m intrigued or interested.

 

When it comes to food, I don’t like pig’s feet, or organ based dishes like mondongo, gandinga, cuajito, or haggis (haggis being the only one I haven’t tried). But if something looks appetizing and interesting, I’ll at least give it a go. I’m not a fan of country music, yet there are some country songs I do enjoy (more than likely it’ll be a slow one). I’m not a huge fan of romance novels, but I’ve read one or two that I did enjoy and if highly recommended, would give another a chance. 

 

But let’s take it a step further.

 

I’m not a fan of Kanye West, the man. Beyond mental instability, I think he’s pompous, self-aggrandizing, has a messianic complex, and in general is a tool, but to have an opinion, I listened to his entire discography. Verdict? For 75% of his work, not my cuppa tea, and honestly? Unimpressed. I can point you to at least 5 other artists whom I think make better music, have more talent, and have had a more profound impact on music (Kendrik Lamar, Run the Jewels, Public Enemy, Wu-Tang, and the underappreciated Lords of the Underground off the top of my head). I can also double down on my opinion that part of his success is his attitude. Sure, I may loathe it, but other people gobble it up, and hey, that’s OK. To each their own and once again, say it with me…

 

#YouDoYou.

 

When it comes to books, any highbrow behavior is not to my liking and elitist sentiments are a sure fire way of getting on my bad side. On a base level, Bill Maher rubs me the wrong way and has for a long time, especially because he can so often be so pompous. When Stan Lee passed away, he belittled the impact of Lee and even went so far as to criticize people who read comics as dumber than people who read books without pictures. Needless to say, he can go shove it, whatever it is. He’s tripled down on this opinion and well, I can triple down on my opinion that he’s an asshole and could easily find ample evidence to support this…but instead, I focus on other things and spend my time and energy elsewhere, because I’ve already spent too many words and calories on giving him any sort of thought. That’s his opinion and fortunately, he’s entitled to it, even if he thinks his opinion supersedes most anyone else’s. Once again, let’s say it again…

 

#YouDoYou

 

Another angle to this topic is when people change their opinions in the face of others, to be part of the group, or dare we say it, be part of the cool kids. If there is any behavior I wish upon a star EVERYONE grows out of, it’s this, because it just magnifies insecurities. For me, it’s pretty simple, if acceptance by others depends on my position in regards to something, then that’s not the crowd for me…or you. You deserve better. You deserve to like what you like and be accepted regardless because life is too short to not enjoy yourself just for appearances’ sake. So say it one more time with me, with feeling, with kindness, with generosity, with understanding, and with acceptance.

 

#YouDoYou

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls