If any of the above statements bother you, please read again and identify what triggers you. Is it the defense of sexuality and gender? Is it calling out the hypocrisy of some religious people? Is it saying that some atheists have a better moral compass than some deeply religious people? If a nerve was touched, the first thing you have to identify is what nerve was touched and then try to understand why you had a reaction because that wasn’t an attack, it was an observation.
When it comes to sexuality and gender, these two topics bring a lot of challenges, especially during these times where paradigms are being redefined and people kick off over everything. The tendency to also mutually cancel the other side of the conversation as one of the preferred methods to deal with disagreements doesn't help either. With sexuality, since I have use of knowledge, I’ve seen people judge other people based on their sexuality. I didn’t understand that as a child, I didn’t understand that as a teenager, I don’t understand it in my 40’s. Why does who you like, love, or are attracted to take away from your value as a human for some people? I fail to identify any logic and someone’s value should never be increased or decreased depending on their sexuality.
When it comes to gender, the conversation becomes even more complicated and the reactions I see are even more visceral. Gender identity is coming into a very intense time where opposing sides are clashing over who is right and who is wrong. What I can’t help but feel is that looking for any side to win won’t help matters instead feeding the worldwide addiction to always win, which continues to bring more problems than solutions. I’m a 40-year-old heterosexual Latino male and I don’t feel the need to tell people I prefer to be referenced to with the pronouns he/him. I respect the desire and right of people to want to clarify which pronouns to use in case they feel the need to clarify. If someone wants to use she/her when referring to me, then OK. I think it’d be mainly done to prove a point but I’m comfortable enough with my sexuality that I’d just find it weird from a grammatical perspective, not my gender identity. But that’s me. I’ve had people correct me on how to refer to them and I always apologize and ask them to be patient and help me better understand how to communicate. This includes trans people (male and female), asexual, and agender people as well as gay, lesbian, and bisexual people. I’ve had people ask me to refer to them by their middle name or a nickname and I feel this is similar even if it is to an infinitely lesser degree. They are reclaiming their identity and among the options we have, we can either ignore, or do our best to understand where a person is coming from. My friends and the conversations we have teach me a lot of how things can be for some people and that our heterogeneity is an invitation to grow in understanding every time we practice empathy, which I think is a core Christian/Catholic value.
By the way, this is me now, at 40, having lived what I have lived and having the benefit of conversations that have helped broaden my horizons and understanding. And I still have a TON to learn since life is a constant learning process. The main thing is that when I speak with someone who comes from a background or perspective different from mine, I try to find common ground and it’s a shame I and other people I know aren’t given the same courtesy.
Also, I don’t think cancelling people makes anyone righteous regardless of the side of the conversation you’re on. You want to know what is righteous? A black man befriending people of the KKK in hopes of burying hatchets and promoting peace. Think this is impossible? Then click here to learn about Daryl Davis. I know that’s related to race, but if you want something related to gender and sexuality, look at Pope Francis’s current stance and how his message has evolved in his time as Pope in regards to sexuality and gender. Am I saying all he’s said is positive? No. But a person’s opinion is rarely a box to check and that’s the first step to dialogue, realizing that the correct answer is not A or B but an essay, a discussion, a conversation and that there are no winners or losers in a conversation. Even the Pope has shown an evolution in how he thinks and this is the leader of one of the most conservative institutions in history. Is there room for improvement? Sure and we're ALL capable of this.
I continue to see conservative states/countries/communities rally against equality and say some pretty horrible things in the name of the Lord. I continue to see devoutly religious people use their time and energy to tear down what they don’t understand or accept rather than building people up. Am I saying conservative people are bad? No. Am I saying deeply religious people are bad? No. I’m saying people who have identified as both, individuals in their own right, occasionally demonstrate questionable behavior that is at odds with what they preach.
When looked at objectively, it seems sexuality and gender should always be an individual’s business. Every person’s pursuit to happiness and love is different and invalidating someone due to their preference or identity seems childish. I know people who identify in a variety of ways and I actually have friends whom I don’t know their preference, and guess what? If they don’t want to tell people and keep that private, they have every right to do so. And for people who do share their preferences, they deserve respect because that has everything to do with them and nothing to do with God or anyone else.
We often hear of people who wish to strike down sinners and heathens. All fine and dandy, except that I see harder punches being thrown to LGBTQA+ people, women who want to have body autonomy, and other sectors than say racists, misogynists, classists, and people who forget that to truly practice what they preach, it has to be the same across the board. If not, then your faith is as superficial as your values and last I checked, God isn’t fooled by appearances.
We often say love is love and I agree with that sentiment. By the same token, hate is hate. You can do it in the name of a religion, of Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Vishnu, or any god, all you like, it still doesn’t make it right.
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