Steps to smile

Life does not come with an instruction manual. Sure, you might come across advice, tips, tricks, and even lessons, but the reality is that you’re learning as you go and more often than not, it’s educated guesswork and hoping for the best. Still, there’s a rhythm to life and many steps we learn along the way get embedded deep into our DNA.

 

I was fortunate to learn how to love freely and openly from early on in my life thanks to my first love, Mom. People often say that I’m very affectionate and the fact of the matter is that I’ve received love from even before I was born. Mom talked to me often while I was in the belly and I’ve often mentioned people wouldn’t come into her hospital room because they thought she had someone visiting, when in reality it was just little ole me she was chatting away to. But it wasn’t limited to her. I’ve always received a lot of love from my family and I’m very conscious that having that is a huge gift and something I try and pay forward as much as I can. In my life, there has been no shortage of love, hugs, kisses, and affection. The contrary actually. There’s been an overabundance of it and life has also blessed me with a good memory to remember all the love I’ve received and continue to receive.

 

It's taught me to hug freely, to reach out when I think about or dream of someone, to write personalized birthday messages privately, to do my best to not judge, and to find as many smiles as possible in myself and others. I’ve read in many places that people won’t necessarily remember you, but they will sure as hell remember how you made them feel. At almost 5 years after her passing, people still have beautiful things to say and share about Mom and kind words on her birthday, on Mother’s Day, and on the anniversary of her passing. That speaks volumes of how she made people feel and it fills me with even more love and pride knowing she was that way with so many people.

 

I do my best to do her proud, to love freely and openly, to make time for the people I love, to always pick up the phone or call back as soon as I can to people who matter, to be in touch, to put my attention when someone is speaking to me, and to remember small tidbits that others overlook. Mom had a knack for remembering small details of people and I do my best to do the same while giving it my spin.

 

As a life dance partner, Mom taught me so much that I put into practice every day, though the biggest lesson she taught me was to embrace who and how I was and to follow my path. She never imposed what I should study or what I should do professionally and I did the same for her. I gave her advice, but more than that, I gave her support, because she taught me that the power of saying “it’ll be OK” can make all the difference and that an “I told you so” not only leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, but they’re also not worth much.

 

I’ve learned from virtues, flaws, mistakes, and victories, hers and my own. I’ve filed away the long winding conversations we shared which shall live rent-free in my heart. And I remember and celebrate her with every step I take on the dancefloor of life.

 

I also remember my other angels and although I miss them all intensely, I hold them dearly and raise a glass while dancing in this life. Sure, you can trip or miss a step, but you can either focus on the mistake, or you can laugh it off or make a recovery to continue enjoying the dance.

 

Our beautiful Tata (Emma) and Mama Estrada being their beautiful selves.

In the past months, a lot of people I care about have lost someone they love and some have had a rough go of it. To them, I wish I could give them a big hug and to cry with them to share that moment because I’ve noticed something about some of the most loving hugs I’ve had in my life. Unconsciously, we press tight and take a step, and then another, and then another. It almost seems like we slow dance in that embrace…and it makes total sense to me. Life has its music and our hearts carry a rhythm that takes us from one day to the next. Some people think it ends once we pass away, but when I think of Mom and the angels I love dearest in my life, I have to disagree with that thought. I still feel the beat of her heart within mine. Sure, I miss her and I always will, but beyond DNA, we shared life and love, and that stays with you until it reunites in the big dance of the universe.

 

So, if you’ve lost someone, cry if you have to. It’s good to do so. To release and recognize that loss. But also listen within. Their music is still there, still beating, still inviting you to share and to dance with others. If you need a moment to recover, that’s OK. If you need to sit a song out, that’s OK too. Just remember that life is a dance floor and there’s always another song to dance to, another new step to learn, and another smile to share.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

 

Beautiful picture of the Estrada Family way back when