You have more time than you think

If there’s a common complaint nowadays it’s that people insist that they don’t have time for the things that matter to them… but it begs the question, is that true or are we just squandering our time in things with little or no value but that chip away at our time?

Working in advertising, odd workloads are common, meaning that one week you’re chill and then you forget what the sunlight looks like for 2 ½ months. But even so, there’s time to do what matters. 

The first things you have to take a look at might be at what time do you wake up and go to sleep? I ask this because I normally get up between 6:00 AM - 6:30 AM. This gives me at least an hour to do my “me things,” which go from social media, promoting events or my books, or writing. Other activities include contacting people to do blog hops, appear on their podcasts/booktube channels, etc. At night I rarely get many things done, but what I actually do is read books, my notes, plot points, or a to-do list so that while I sleep my imagination is going vroom-vroom-vroom… and yes, you should sleep with a notebook next to your bed.

Secondly, and VERY importantly, what do you do for lunch? For me, I’ve been able to write SO much during lunch hours that you’d be amazed how much of my published work has been written on salsa stained pages and sponsored by the second full meal of the day. You are forced to crunch in time to get at least one or two pages down and if you really get in a stride, you’ll be amazed at what you can do. By the way, I should add that I do most of my writing by longhand, which requires an extra level of editing when I transcribe but it really works for me, so I stick with it. 

And that’s just a couple of examples. I’ve known to go into the bathroom and lock myself in a stall with a notebook. I’ve also known to bolt out running because someone entered an adjacent stall and hadn’t been briefed on the kindness that is encompassed in a courtesy flush… that, plus some people might say that they feel dead inside, but other people smell as if that’s the case. But I digress. 

What I do want to focus on is the fact that I made adjustments and got creative in regards to writing times and capture tools for ideas, notes, or writing in general. I know people who take lunch breaks in their cars. I know people who have voice recognition and use their voice to write while doing house chores. I know people who pick doctor appointments at times that are full to make sure they have time to write. And like this, I’m sure you can come up with several ways to get more time to do what you want to do. 

Some extra tips though: If social media is taking up too much of your time, delete apps for a couple of days to not even have the temptation. If you find yourself progressing levels in smart phone games but not in your projects, delete the apps, hide them, or simply turn off the phone. Be honest with yourself in regards to the time it takes to do things and adjust accordingly. It’s possible. You can do it and I’ve seen a lot of people take all sorts of challenges and persist. You can too and it all starts with you giving yourself the best shot to do the most with the time you have… and finding time where you thought there was none. Hope this helps and hope you write up a storm. 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

JD 

Writer Events: Broadleaf Writers Association - Self-Publishing Seminar (March 16, 2019)

Some things are so obvious that we forget to do them. I’ve lived in Atlanta for almost 3 years and I hadn’t been to writer events in all this time for several reasons including life, work, and mother nature derailing plenty of plans. Still, 2019 is up and running and if you read my assessment of the year, I mentioned the word “Breakthrough” and I’m focused on finally leaving a mark in the ATL and going for it in several new ways, which includes going to these events, meeting new people, and putting myself in a proper position to learn. 

Last Saturday, March 16, Broadleaf Writers hosted a Self-Publishing seminar with the participation of Lynne Hansen, Jeff Strand, Margaret Johnson-Hodge, Bernette Sherman, Bobby Nash, and moderated by Zachary Steele, Executive Director of Broadleaf Writers. Each of these creatives brings a different aspect and perspective to the discussion and I think that was a key to why I think it was such a solid event. 

Lynne has gone from doing any cover design she could get a hold of, to focusing on her genre of choice – horror. Jeff Strand is a hybrid author with over 40 books and a cheeky sense of humor. A peculiar thing to mention is that while many people post wide, he has honed all his efforts to focus on Amazon and KDP, dropping all other channels. Margaret Johnson is not a fan of Amazon, KDP, Createspace, Ingram Spark, or traditional publishing due to past experiences with each, that definitely offers a lot of food for thought. Her approach has been to connect with local printers, buy her own ISBN numbers, and focus 100% on physical books, something I hadn’t witnessed before, but refreshing to see. Bernette Sherman is a multi-genre author, has music out on CD Baby, and goes wide with her distribution. Her take was interesting because her fiction work has been quite uphill but she’s made it work through LOTS of effort… and then her non-fiction work resonates with people so much that with NO promotion, it still sells pretty solidly. To round out the panel, there’s another hybrid author, Bobby Nash, a friendly happy-go-lucky creative who is extremely keen in finding small, mid, and large events where he takes his books and makes it work. His approach was interesting because he had novellas that went out of print, got the rights back and sells them as standalones, compilations, and hard cover compilations.  

What’s curious is that although the crew was diverse, everyone was friendly, talkative, and engaging in their own way, offering honest advice and sharing raw experiences to show people what could happen, good and bad. The event started at 9:30 and went solid until 4:30 with a lunch break in between. Tea, water, and coffee was offered, which was actually a great place to chat it up with people. Funny how water alone doesn’t cut it, but when you add tea or coffee to it, magic.  Also, during the day, all authors participated in all the panels.

In regards to what was covered in the event, I’ll post the sections and my biggest takeaway from each panel. 

1. The Choice to Self-Publish: Why You Should (or shouldn’t)

Self-publishing is not an easy road. It has great things if you’re successful but success is something you have to constantly work at. But if you have the itch, then why not? Main thing to remember is to have a back-up plan because you won’t go from zero to Rowling in one published book. 

2. How Long Will It Take? The Process of Self-Publishing

Every single person will have a different answer to this and you have to be flexible enough to find what works for you. Also, don’t jump the gun. If you think it’s not ready, make sure. One of the authors published and pulled out a fiction work 3 times before they were satisfied with the end result. 

3. Putting It All Together: Editing, Cover Design, Interior Design, and More!

Do not skip the steps. In theory you can do it all… but be honest with yourself in regards to what you can do and what you can’t do. Cutting corners helps no one and the difference between success and failure is often in the details. 

4. Sell More Books: Publicity and Marketing Before and After Publication

If you don’t promote, you will not sell. Set a budget for this, ramp up enthusiasm, and remember that you need to maintain momentum. If you lose it, you pretty much start from zero again. 

5. Something Learned, Something Shared: Self-Publishing Success Tips and Tricks

Allow yourself to make mistakes, be realistic with your goals, and set milestones so you can progress your journey. Also, celebrate the victories, big and small, and use whatever means to stay motivated. 

* * *

Now for an overview. 

From the topics covered, it showed that the seminar was designed to touch on topics for people at all points of their Writer Journey, whether you are just about to make the decision to self-publish or if you’ve already done it and are curious to learn more to see what can apply to your experience. There were about 30 people in the crowd and it allowed for everyone to be able to ask their questions and to get to know each other with whoever you hit it off. 

The price for the event was $75 and I do think it’s a very reasonable price, since a LOT of what they shared could potentially save you a LOT of money. Simply put, people sharing the mistakes they’ve faced and the scams they’ve identified is worth the price of admission. That you get to meet fellow writers, get some valuable information, and later on access to audio files from all the conferences is just a major bonus. Each speaker offered their no-nonsense 100% honest perspective and answered every question they got from the crowd. Another valuable thing was to showcase just how DIFFERENT each of our paths is and that what works for one person won’t necessarily work for another. That was key throughout the day and I think it was very helpful for people who weren’t sure how to progress or what next steps to take.

The people at Broadleaf are very lovely and I’m sure that if you have any question they’ll be more than happy to answer. They answered all of mine and I had a ton. 

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to learn about my experience with the Atlanta Writing Workshop, click here. 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

Writer Events: The 2019 Atlanta Writing Workshop (March 9, 2019)

When you live in a big city, there will be events of all types to enjoy and Atlanta is no exception. A couple of weeks back I was able to enjoy my first writer event in the city at the Atlanta Writing Workshop, coordinated by Jessica Bell with support from the Broadleaf Writer’s Association. 

This was an all-day event that started at 9:30 AM and lasted until 5:00 PM. It consisted of Five Blocks, where each block had three simultaneous conferences occurring. So naturally, the first thing I had done is identify the conference titles that drew my attention. Below I’ll put the topics covered and will bold and underline the ones I chose. After that, I’ll talk about why I chose the conferences I did and give a brief overview.

BLOCK ONE

Getting published in Today’s World: 10 tips to Make You The Writer Agents and Publishers Want

Writing Other Worlds – a Guide to blending Setting, Plot, and Character in Science Fiction and Fantasy

How to Add Comic Relief to Your Fiction (And Make it Better)

BLOCK TWO

Pitch, Please: An Agent’s Guide To Pitches & Queries

15 Tips on How to Write Like the Pros

*Here are the main takeaways courtesy of Lydi B (Thanks so much for offering your insights!)

- Open a book with conflict, introducing characters in unique ways
- Keep dialogue short and natural (skipping hellos and goodbyes, etc. pleasantries)
- Unusual character names are more memorable

Savvy Strategies for Creating Realistic Romantic Relationships

BLOCK THREE

Writer’s Got Talent – a Page 1 Critique Fest

Another interesting series of tidbits courtesy of Lydi B: Writer's Got Talent was immensely helpful for understanding what excites agents as well as what types of mistakes make them dump your manuscript before finishing page 1.

- Strong opening sentence/paragraph that draws attention
- Get to conflict quickly, pepper in details about how later
- Don't get bogged down in details, especially environment
- Read first pages of stories in your chosen genre on Amazon to see how published authors succeeded

How to Sell a Non-Fiction Book: The 9 Musts of a Proposal

Breaking in with Picture Books

BLOCK FOUR

The 10 Principles of Building a Platform

New Southern Writing

The Fiendish Art of Crafting Suspense for Thrillers, Mysteries, and Crime (& Any Novel Really)

BLOCK FIVE

18 Frequently Asked Questions About Publishing

From A to Z: Strategies for Plotting & Pacing Tightly

How to Make your YA or MG Book Un-Put-Down-Able

BLOCK ONE: Getting published in Today’s World: 10 tips to Make You The Writer Agents and Publishers Want

Some people might be surprised I chose this as one of my seminars since I’m an indie author and do enjoy a lot about being an indie author. The reality is that I’ve heard the term hybrid author, where you publish certain things as an indie and other things as a publisher and that flexibility does appeal a lot. The reality is that being an indie author, reach is something that will be far limited when compared to traditional publishing and it’s something I’m curious to explore. This conference was offered by Brian A. Klems, author of “Oh boy, you’re having a girl.” From the get-go I have to say that Brian has great energy and honestly spoke like one of those professors in college that inspire someone to follow a path to win a Nobel Prize or something. Super nice guy, engaging, answered all questions, and he was honest… and consistent (this would be the first of many times I’d see Brian, lol). The tips he offered were sensible on several levels and my main take away is that talent might go a long way to getting an agent’s attention, but being easy to work with is absolutely golden. When you read pitch/submission guidelines, follow them. Don’t get creative, don’t try to cheat the system, play by the rules and you’ll be ahead of over half of the pack that is trying to be clever and not follow instructions.  

BLOCK TWO: Pitch, Please: An Agent’s Guide To Pitches & Queries

I have several author friends of all likes who have pitched to an agent, be it on Twitter, or through snail mail. I was curious to see what I could learn from this conference, and thanks to Caroline George, I learned a lot… almost too much, lol. She shared some stories of the weirdest submissions she’s gotten, and from riddles to incomprehensible manifesto-like queries, she hasn’t seen it all, but she’s seen a lot. Following the line of the first conference, she insisted: follow the guidelines. Be clear. Also, don’t harass and always be professional. Just those tidbits will go a LONG way to ensuring you don’t waste anyone’s time, because although Caroline does read every single submission, some take a long time simply because of how out there they are. She talked about the difference between a pitch and a query, described the agent-author relationship, and insisted on the importance of being able to talk about your WIP in 30 seconds, 3 minutes, and half an hour. Also, when you pitch, do your research and personalize it. No one likes boiler plate letters…. And agents are in fact, human. 

BLOCK THREE: How to Sell a Non-Fiction Book: The 9 Musts of a Proposal

I honestly believe most people went to the Writer’s Got Talent 1 page critique, but since I write non-fiction, it was important to me to go to the Non-Fiction conference… and who do I find, but Brian A. Klems. Once again, Brian brought an A-game in regards to energy and information and honestly opened my eyes to how different non-fiction is to fiction when it comes to pitching it. Rather than a synopsis, you include the idea and from the get-go, you NEED a logline (i.e. a one-line pitch of your work of non-fiction, who it is for, and why it can sell). For me, this particular conference put a LOT of things in perspective if I also want to try my hand at non-fiction (and we all know I do, because why not?) Main take away is that for non-fiction, you don’t need a finished manuscript, you just need an idea that knocks it out of the park. Also, memoirs are more fiction than non-fiction so if you’re thinking of a memoir, you’ll need to write all of it before pitching. And one last tidbit, becoming an expert in an area and engaging people on that topic on your author platform will be invaluable. 

BLOCK FOUR: The 10 Principles of Building a Platform

I chose this conference because I honestly wanted to know if what I’m doing online is on the right path. I do a lot of things to try and have a positive impact but there are recurring themes: socks, tea, cheeky humor, and of course, bananas. Also, guess who was giving this conference. :) Once again Brian offered some great and practical information, a lot of which I’ll be implementing. My main takeaway here, commit to platforms, be consistent, and engage. If you try to do too many things, you won’t find your audience. 

BLOCK FIVE: 18 Frequently Asked Questions About Publishing

For my last conference, I wanted to get more info on publishing because I’m genuinely curious. And once again, the Energizer bunny known as Brian A. Klems was offering this conference. I make a point to highlight Brian’s energy for several reasons. A. His energy never wavered in any conference. B. He does this without the aid of caffeine. C. He might repeat some points from his Writer Journey, but at NO point was he redundant or even remotely boring. To be honest, Brian gave a hell of an example of professionalism as a public speaker. He made such a great impression on me, I gifted him a book but more geared toward his 3 daughters. Sure, I had copies of my non-fiction books with me, but I wanted to thank him by thanking his daughters. I don’t mean to digress, but honestly, if you see a conference with him in town, give it a chance. I think he has a lot of knowledge to share and a very kind heart, and I’m all for supporting that. As for his conference, solid again. He recommends to query multiple agents, always be working on something and when you pitch something, always have something else you’re working on. I’m ridiculously oversimplifying what he offered, but re-read that last sentence… each point… and apply it. It makes a LOT of sense and offered a LOT of food for thought. 

So that was my overview of what I watched, but if anyone reads this that saw any of the other conferences, and you’d like to offer your perspective and some info on those other conference, feel free to writer a comment or reach out to me on any social media to offer a more comprehensive overview of this event. For me, it was pricey but I think I got a lot from it, though that will ALWAYS be up to you. Please remember, being at an event will not guarantee you anything. You either pay attention, engage, ask questions, or are just a passer-by. The choice is yours, but I think there’s a lot to gain from the experience and think all the conferences offered a lot of information that was new to me, and I’ve been writing and checking out information since 2014, so there’s also that. 

In case you’re curious, here’s a list of the price for the event and the other things you could add on:

$189 — EARLY BIRD base price for registration to the 2019 ATLWW

Add $29 — 10-minute one-on-one meeting with any of our literary agents or editors in attendance. 

Add $69 — for an in-depth, personal critique of your one-page query letter from Brian Klems, one of the day’s instructors. 

Add $89 — for an in-depth personal critique of the first 10 pages of your novel. 

 * * *

I’d love to hear from other people who attended the event and people who went all in with the add-ons to hear your experience. I honestly think that sharing experiences will benefit us all. I’m also very happy to have met and interacted with Lydia Boatright, J Brice Odom, Madhav Mathur, Matt Ward, Karen D. Murphy and another Matt whose last name I simply can’t remember lol, which brings me to my last point… Take business cards and exchange with fellow authors at these events. You never know who you’ll meet that’ll become a lifelong writer friend. 

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to read a bit about the other writer event I went to during March, check out my recap of the Self-Publishing Seminar hosted by the Broadleaf Writers Association by clicking here. 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

Where does inspiration come from?

It is one of the most common things I’ve been asked as a writer: Where does inspiration come from? Where do ideas come from? How did I get the idea for a specific line of dialogue, a pun, a character trait, or even a name?

The reality is that there is no one single thing or method to get ideas. Inspiration strikes whenever it wants and the secret is to capture those ideas and those moments, to make the most of inspiration and that when you NEED to write, you sit down and let the ink flow.

I’ve written about this before but rather than repost, I’d rather re-invite people with a new post to listen to new music, to read outside their comfort zone, to try new foods, new drinks, visit new places, see museums, read non-fiction, and basically ingest enough information to ensure that your brain is always flowing with ideas for X or Y thing. Some people read the same types of stories, watch the same type of movies, listen to only one genre of music, and thus LIMIT themselves. 

DO

NOT

LIMIT 

YOURSELF

Open yourself to the world. Make it so that inspiration has a ton of ways to attack you and take it all in. One VERY important thing is to have multiple capture tools or to make sure you remember a great idea when it strikes. And sometimes all you need is a strand of an idea to grab onto. With careful pulling you’ll be able to see that a small string can lead to a HUGE thread but it’s up to you to follow that thread down the rabbit hole. 

Life inspires. Experiences inspire. Good and bad. It's up to you to be open to live as much as possible and embrace this ride called life if you want to truly maximize your inspiration. Also, look at the classics in books, music, and film. There’s such a rich wealth of stories already out there and sometimes the path to somewhere new first traverses something familiar. 

For me, I love ideating and thinking about different projects to see what comes up. Sometimes it’s methodical, other times it’s spur of the moment type of ideas. With poetry I try to capture lightning in a bottle but sometimes I take verses and nurture them to their final form. 

What’s true is that no matter what, experience leads to inspiration. The inspiration for my 13^th book, Given to Fly, came to me after I rode the Soarin’ ride at Epcot Center for the first time. In that ride, everything clicked and I paid attention, and I wrote down what I knew would be the story. After watching Quills (with Geoffry Rush) I was struck with inspiration so I grabbed a pen, some napkins, and wrote a poem in one go… small edits when I transcribed and it became the first poem that ever won me any type of prize (it's in my bilingual collection Twenty Veinte, if you're curious). 

But you have to capture that lightning. Don’t trust that you’ll remember. Don’t wait. Don’t get distracted. Get inspired… and amazing things will happen. 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

Favorite Vs. Best

When it comes to who I am as a writer, I shall always want to be the best writer I can be. That means always pushing myself to write something no one else can write, always being honest to my vision as a creator, always pushing myself to have a cohesive thread through all narratives, and ALWAYS being able to surprise in some way or another.

But when it comes to my readers, suddenly the word “best” comes up short and I would much rather be their favorite than the best they’ve ever read. There are a lot of books out there and plenty that are better than mine, and that’s fine and dandy. But I want to be the author of a book that means something to someone. I want every time my book covers come into view that a smile comes across the person’s face. Honestly, there are two compliments that NEVER get old, and they both have to do with being worthy of being read more than once:

- Being re-read - 

- Enjoying my writing enough to pick up another book -

I have 13 books out so that’s a lot of reading… but I do have people who are eager to see what else I release and what new slice of random I embrace. I know a couple who have read everything I’ve released… and that’s flabbergasting but encouraging as hell. For me, it’s all about embracing our creative side and using what life gives us to pay it forward in some artistic way. Being a multi-genre author, I’m also interested in connecting with all aspects of me as a human and as a writer. That’s why I shift from urban fantasy, to middle-grade fantasy, to short stories, to poetry, to non-fiction, and yes, there's more to come. Everything I write responds to a desire within me to connect and quite often to have a positive impact with my writing.

I look at it this way. Think about the best movie you’ve ever seen. I’m talking a movie whose script is amazing, whose acting enthralled you, whose score moved your soul, and that was in the running for an Academy Award for Best Picture. Now think about your favorite movie. Odds are high that your favorite is nowhere near the best movie you’ve seen when you break things down. For me, I’ve made it no secret that my favorite movie is Big Trouble in Little China. I’ve seen that movie sooo much in my life and although I love it to the end of time, I’m the first one to say it’s not the best movie out there… but I love it and that’s the movie I watch when I feel sick and need a pick me up. It’s the movie that pumps me up, that makes me smile, and laugh, and whose dialogue I still quote to this day. I want to be your Big Trouble in Little China. I want to write books that you pick up a second and third time and always find something new. Sure there’s a typo here and there, but you enjoy it so much that overlooking flaws is no biggie. 

I don’t want an Oscar. I don’t want a Golden Globe. I don’t want a Nobel Prize in Literature. I want my books to be more than something you tell someone you read to impress them. I write so that my stories are embedded in your psyche and you find yourself remembering a character because of the randomest thing… and that such a little moment makes you smile. Because that smile is a piece of your heart resonating with mine and that’s worth more than any damn award. 

So to all who read and enjoy… thank you. From the bottom of my heart… because in your hands is a piece of me that becomes ours the moment you start to read. I hope we meet again soon. 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

See you at the Atlanta Comic Con

In a year of a couple of firsts, I’ll also be having my first official event in Mainland US. This year will mark the second year of the Atlanta Comic Con and I can’t wait because it will be my first as an exhibitor. If there’s an abundance of anything in Atlanta, it’s big events and conventions, so I took a look and really gave some thought to what event would be a good fit for me and my works. After going to several events last year of several sizes, The Atlanta Comic Con feels like a great fit to who and how I am as an indie author.

Some people have asked me why I don’t do Dragon Con and although I could go into specifics, I think a better question would be why not the Atlanta Comic Con? 

It’s got great guests, a good location, accessible parking, and since it’s still in its early going, crowds are large but you can still have a conversation with people and that’s what I truly love about conventions: connections. My first convention was the Puerto Rico Comic Con in 2014 and I’ve come a long way in regards to the books I’ve published, the people I’ve met, and the milestones I’ve had… and evolution should be a constant, so this is my next step.

Let us also remember, being an indie author, it means that any and everything I do is down to what’s in the budget and since I have a day job as well, I needed something that fell into a very convenient spot, schedule-wise. It’s a 3-day event which is also much more my speed than the gauntlet that is the 5-day Dragon Con. And actually, last year I was on a panel at Dragon Con and I’d do that again in a heartbeat for any convention actually. It’s a lot of fun and it allows me to meet new people, which is always great fun. 

As for my lineup for the Atlanta Comic Con, here’s the rundown… is there a chance for this to change? Knowing me, you know it’s very possible and much more due to more books being available but what I put on this list is what’s going no matter what:

Only Human: Book 1 of the Human Cycle – Urban Fantasy - $20

Shadow of a Human: Book 2 of the Human Cycle – Urban Fantasy - $20

Given to Fly: Middle-grade fantasy - $15

Twenty Veinte: bilingual collection including essays, short stories, and poetry - $15

Daydreams on the Sherbet Shore: Middle-grade fantasy short stories - $15

Peace, Love & Maki Rolls: A guide to creative kindness – Nonfiction - $15

For Writing Out Loud – Nonfiction - $15

Between the Tides – Poetry - $10

Dark Strands – Poetry - $10

Captured Moments – Poetry - $10

Black Tie Affair – Poetry - $10

Roulette of Rhymes – Poetry - $10

Pensando en Metáforas – Poetry/Spanish - $10

In case you’re wondering, yes I’ll probably be offering combo pricing but haven’t finalized those. And actually, if you’re going to the event and would like to reserve copies of your books, orders over $50 will get a free poetry collection of your choosing. If you’re interested in that, feel free to contact me on my Facebook Author Page or other social media platforms. 

If you have any other question, by all means use the comment section down below. 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

JD

10 reasons of why I want to be on Hot Ones

Greetings fellow humans. Firstly, if you’ve never watched an episode of Hot Ones from the First We Feast channel on YouTube, mosey on over to the YouTubes and watch an episode. (I highly recommend episodes with Jeff Goldblum, Tyra Banks, Gordon Ramsay, Natalie Portman, Ken Jeong, Tenacious D, Alton Brown, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson).

Ok, so just by my lineup of names, I think it shows I’m a fan of the show. The premise is pretty simple. Sean Evans sits across from you as you eat 10 chicken wings with ever increasing levels of heat and he asks some amazingly in depth questions while your face melts and you answer them. Finishing the 10 wings grants you 30 seconds to plug whatever’s going on in your life and then you can pass out from all the Scollvilles running around your system. [NOTE: The Scoville scale is a measurement of the pungency (spiciness or "heat") of chili peppers and other spicy foods, as recorded in Scoville Heat Units (SHU) based on the concentration of capsaicinoids, among which capsaicin is the predominant component.[3][4][5][6][7] The scale is named after its creator, American pharmacist Wilbur Scoville, whose 1912 method is known as the Scoville organoleptic test.[3][8] – From Wikipedia, verify at your own leisure]

Ok, so why in god’s name would I want to be on this show and why might it be fun to have me on HOT ONES. Here’s my top 10 reasons:

1. Well for starters, it’d mean I’d accomplished something noteworthy and earned a spot on the show. The people who get invited have had some sort of success or have earned a spot because of their contributions to something.

2. I’m ALWAYS amazed at the research Sean and company invest into the questions. They don’t ask BS or boiler plate queries and I’m fascinated by their ability to come up with endlessly memorable questions to create endlessly memorable moments in an interview. Also, since your face is on fire, there’s little to no filter and you’ll answer honestly. Sean’s IQ as an interviewer is also impressive as it gets and he pivots and adjusts accordingly with what each interviewer gives or does not give. Seriously, I've seen the guy carry an interview when the guest isn't cooperating and he could EASILY make a hell of a life coach with how many people he is able to fully navigate to the end of the wings.

3. No filters. You can say whatever you want and it’s game. No bleeps. Adult language encouraged. Lord knows what'll come out of my mouth beyond fire and that might be very interesting.

4. I’m super curious as to the flavor of all the hot sauces. I actually do enjoy a good hot sauce and have known to hate some for just being obnoxiously spicy with no flavor. I do taste-test videos on Instagram and people seem to enjoy the thoughts that go through my face. I think offering a review in real time of each hot sauce could be interesting. Plus, there's always Da Bomb, also known as the hot sauce almost universally panned and hated by guests and Sean. (Michael Cera is the only one who has seemed to kind of enjoy it).

5. I’m Puerto Rican and my native language is Spanish. I’m also half Cuban so there’s volume to my voice (Don't be fooled by my YouTube channel). The combination of these two things I believe would make for some interesting bilingual commentary, or in layman’s terms, it might be hella funny to see me breathing fire while cursing in at least two languages (No guarantees I won't speak in tongues).

6. Sean often does a deep dive into people’s Instagram and I think I’ve shared enough things on my IG to inspire some fun finds. If you don’t follow me on Instagram, then look me up and see if I’m full of it or not.

7. I don’t think there’s been an indie author on the show and pretty sure there haven’t been many Puerto Ricans. Come on, Sean, those are some nice boxes to tick off :D

8. It looks like brutally painful fun… and I’m a curious cat.

9. I honestly think I could surprise Sean with one or two things I could do on the show… and that doesn’t include pooping my pants since that’s already been done.

10. I respect the craft that goes into Hot Ones and if I can get a couple more people to watch, then why the hell not? I honestly look forward to every Thursday to see new episodes and watching SO many of the episodes just makes you appreciate the Hot Ones crew for what they do week after week and for what Sean endures in the name of entertainment and asking some of the hottest questions in the world.

So if you’d like to help a scruffy indie author out, read, review me, mention me in tweets along with Sean (@seanseaevans) and the First We Feast Channel (@firstwefeast), and think positive thoughts in the hopes that one day I too can destroy my taste buds in front of the warrior that is Sean for your entertainment.

Peace, love, maki rolls, and hot wings!!!

JD