You can’t support everyone and everything they do

As an indie author, I know the value of community and am fully aware of the difference that the support of one person can have at the right time. I also know what it means to have ten people on your side helping your dream reach more people. However, I’m also quite aware of the challenge it is to get the support of fifty people to do something like reviewing your book (but more on this later). So it seems like a good time for a reminder that it is physically, mentally, and financially impossible to support everyone with everything they do. 

On most normal weeks, I post something every day on social media. Here’s a rundown:

Visual Typos (Monday)

Teactionary & Taste Test Videos (Tuesday)

SkyThoughts (Wednesday)

Sock posts (Thursdays)

00 Bananas (Fridays)

and Cheers Mama Estrada (Weekends)

These posts are not taking into consideration the random things I share like pics, book stuff, left hand thoughts, six for six author questions, and tons of other things. I also write on a blog (this one right here) and have a YouTube channel (BookTube and AuthorTube if you want to be specific). I have 15 books out and they cover a variety of genres including urban fantasy, middle-grade fantasy, poetry, non-fiction, and my Blanc Comics project. I am often trying to bring attention to efforts to help others through #Humans4Humans (of which I’m currently working on #Humans4PuertoRico, where any money I make off my books will be used to help people back home). I do video and written interviews, live panels, and guest blog posts. I participate in comic cons, and do book events… and I ALWAYS try my hardest to make it worth your time. I put a lot of love into what I do and enjoy what I create, though I don’t expect anyone to see everything I post or support everything I do simply because all of this is just me and we all know more than one person with dreams and aspirations.

Being an indie author, being part of BookTube, being a member of associations, and countless other things might make you think that you have to support everything, but it’s simply not possible, not if you want to achieve your goals and in case you needed to hear this: IT IS NOT BEING SELFISH. It’s being conscious of your time, being mindful, being practical, and knowing where to invest your time and energy. 

As time passes, you also realize who are the go-to people that are always there for you or that inspire you to no end. Showing them more love is completely fine and I shall always encourage people to show love to those who show them love in the first place. I have quite a few people whom I consider myself quite close to even if we’ve never met in real life and plenty of real life family members and friends who offer a lot of love and support. I also have some very kind and faithful readers who tag along for many of my adventures. These are the people that fuel you in several ways and you will come across them. Trust me in that. Keep an eye out and when you find them, give them all your love and show them all the appreciation. 

Then there are other people who could care less if you’re successful or not. They don’t wish you ill, but they couldn’t be bothered to consider you and being honest, they are in no obligation to do so and that’s also something to always have clear. You don’t owe anything to anyone and no one owes you anything either. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, “No one has to care about what you do.”

Finally, there are people who see value in you but only in regards to them and their dreams, aspirations, needs, and goals. They are great at receiving, brilliant at it and you won’t just find it in fellow creators, you will find it in people in your life who are experts at asking and receiving but not so much at giving. Sometimes they will ask and if they don’t receive, they leave it at that… but sometimes they’ll kick off if you tell them how you feel or ask for something or for them to return the favor. Unfortunately, this type of person is very common in life, work, and whatever community you participate in. Time is wise in many ways and time eventually shows you who is fickle and who is faithful. 

So in summary, you have: 

1. Your go-to team

2. People who don’t care

3. People who only take and don’t know what balance is in a relationship and they are unfortunately self-centered. I’m not saying that last bit as an insult, but as remark on an egocentric vision where they only see the return of investment where it applies to them. 

There are other subtypes, but I think these are the main ones you’d need to react to and deal with at a greater level. 

For me, I’ve learned to support and be there for people until I feel taken advantage of or if it ever gets to the point where it feels as if my welfare could matter less to them. I know indie authors, traditionally published authors, musicians, artists, and creators of all types and I always have a like to give to a post, or a comment to increase engagement for better visibility. But for some people, their lack of empathy or complete apathy is a turn off and I end up feeling bad when I support, so I start pulling back, checking to see if the difference is noticed and quite often, it isn’t. So no harm no foul. It’s taught me to be mindful with the support I give because I know some people who only know to respond generosity with generosity and every exchange with them leaves me feeling energized. It’s the difference between time well invested instead of being poorly spent. I know the opposite as well, but don’t want to waste time and words on that. 

As it is, I’m always happy to give someone a boost, a like, a share, and if I read your book, I will review it. If you have an indie band, I’ll try and review it for the Go Indie Now Channel and share videos on my facebook page to get the word out. If you have a restaurant, I’ll check it out and always be honest of pros and cons. If you have a cause, I’ll share it and support it however I can. I do this because it’s all part of how I’m wired and I’ve learned that if you can support, then why not? By the same token, I’ve learned to stop liking posts, to stop reading and  therefore reviewing, to take steps back, to stop initiating conversations, to stop sharing posts, and rather than stop caring, instead focus my energies where I think they are worthwhile and/or reciprocated. If circumstances change, and things can always change, then I'll adjust accordingly. 

When it comes to the people that do support me, I work hard to show them how much I appreciate them and what they do for me. I’m always up to answer questions and help in any way I can. That’s because although you can’t support everyone, you can support quite a few people and causes and I can’t find a reason not to, so I do, and I hope you do too. Thanks for reading, for caring, and for being on the other side of these words. It means more than you know.

Peace, love, and maki rolls.  

JD