3 Rs can make a BIG difference

Before you go thinking I’m talking about Reduce, Reuse and Recycle, let it be clear that I wish more people would practice those Rs, maybe a topic for another day and another post. For this instance however, I am not referring to world changing practices, but something much simpler.

Three little words

Three little Rs that with your help can help me connect with others.

Read - Review - Refer

There are many people who have bought my book and I’m grateful to each of them because it invites me to continue creating and connecting through my writing. I’ve heard great comments from people and positive remarks from many fantasy/sci-fi lovers who have chanced on Only Human.

The thing is that my books are one aspect of what I’m looking to achieve through my writing. When asked what I want to do with my life, I often say I want to create a positive impact, be it through my fiction, connecting with people, inviting someone to a cup of coffee, a conversation or a blog post.

You see, this blog was created mainly as another outlet and it’s become something else altogether and by speaking my mind, I’ve heard some things that have really made me think about how much I want to do to have a positive impact.

With Only Human, people have commented on various topics I touch on and I have had some very interesting conversations regarding gender roles, feminism, theology and general Gnosticism. People have also noticed many nuances in the book, literary references, allusions to my favorite artists, nods to my favorite authors and the occasional (or not so occasional) obscure movie reference.

Then there are people I’ve had the honor to meet through twitter, Google Plus or through this blog, who have interacted with me, who have shared some of their life stories and who have said that what I thought was a simple blog post, actually helped them. That right there... well that means the world to me. To know that something I wrote actually helped someone... that’s pretty special to me.

So by all means, if you’d like to buy my book because you love fantasy and sci-fi, then by all means, click here. If you read it and enjoyed it (or even if you didn't), by all means, share your thoughts with people. That’s what’s helped me to connect with others, sharing my thoughts. And third, if you read something on this blog that you think can actually help someone, please refer. 

Peace, love and maki rolls,

JD 

Numbers lie

Anyone who works in media, politics or in most any type of company knows that quite often, numbers lie. Otherwise, fraud would not exist leaving auditors without a job and the news would be honest and objective. That isn’t the case although this post is about other numbers that lie just as bad. Numbers many people have put in their heads and have convinced themselves of their undeniable veracity: the numbers that show when you step on a scale and the ideal weight you have on your mind.

I know way too many women and quite a few men who are obsessed with this number of an ideal weight... a number that haunts them, a self imposed numerical torture of something that quite often seems just too far away a number that too often lies and does more damage than good.

Eating disorders and weight issues may arise for millions of reasons and quite often the media and ignorant people say and do things that damage others’ self worth, inviting them to hate their bodies, do binge diets and violate the healthy sanctity of one’s body for the sake of fitting into a set of jeans.

I’ve seen wonderful women who are having a good day almost brought to tears by what a scale tells them. I’ve seen guys pop pills in the interest of losing those extra pounds and getting all buff. I’ve seen people doing damage to themselves via starvation just to appease perceptions.

Here’s one of many voices telling you to please NOT listen. Instead ask yourself how you feel? Do you feel well? Do you feel comfortable? What do you see when you look yourself in the mirror?

That last question is normally the one that hurts the most because quite often it’s like people are looking into one of those crazy mirrors in a mystery mansion, except that the only mystery here is how people can so easily look past all that they have going for them.

Unfortunately, this is what leads to anorexia, bulimia, diet pills and countless other things for the sake of filling out a check list of what it is to supposedly be beautiful. Yet that’s not the worst part... the worst part is that people believe the mirror, believe those numbers from the scale and that unicorn weight they can’t ever seem to attain... and they don’t listen to the people who love them. They insist people say what they say, just to be nice.

It doesn’t matter how earnest and honest one can be, hell it doesn’t even matter that some people actually like men and women with a couple of extra pounds... this person is being lied to and the scars they insist on inflicting on themselves often reach the ones they love.

I’ve known people who have gotten to the brink of death and even renal failure because of the things they’ve subjected their bodies to and all because they couldn’t recognize the real truth... that messages they’d received had damaged their self perception almost irreparably.

As I’m often thankful to be able to say, there is hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it knows no numbers and has no limits and it begins by not listening to the lies you tell yourself and instead listening to others. It begins by making healthy decisions and not just weight loss decisions. It starts by listening to your loved ones and ignoring the numbers.

Hell, if surveys are anything to be let on, most people we know HATE math, ie. they hate numbers. Most people don’t believe in surveys either.Hell, ask around. They also think the media is full of it. So if you hate math, don’t believe in surveys and hate the media... then start believing in what does make sense and listen to the people that want to help you rather than impose some ridiculous notion of what it is to be beautiful.

I know women of all heights, all sizes, and all weights who are beautiful. I know guys who can make a woman melt without six-pack abs. I know beautiful people who need reminding that they are beautiful.

I know women who are so fit that they can kick the crap out of me, women who outweigh me, and thin women who don’t starve themselves who are all beautiful. I know guys who are beefcakes, I know guys who wear skinny jeans their sisters can’t put on and I know guys who could be called porkchop who are all able to love themselves and people of the same like who hate themselves.

The main difference is that on one side there are people who listen to the negative messages we’re bombarded with on a daily basis while others listen to the love they receive on a daily basis. YOu've got to remember though, there will ALWAYS be people that say things that suck... mean things, vicious things aimed to wound... Luckily, these people are like a TV and you can change the channel.

So by all means, don’t listen to numbers... they are impartial in their lies. They don’t care about you and have no idea what is best for you. Ask yourself how you feel and how you want to feel and every day take one step towards that direction. That direction holds love, spiritual enlightenment and the projection of your light onto a dark world that needs it. It's a wonderful world and you need to enjoy it as much as possible. Each, drink, exercise, be merry, laugh, party and by all means, never, ever, ever leave cake at a birthday, especially if it's your favorite flavor.

Peace, love and maki rolls.

JD

*Picture tagged from Gia on the move, a lovely blog about culture, arts and Tracey, AKA Gia, while she's on the move in this world. 

Marquis de Sade

Marquis de Sade

My arm for a quill,

My soul for a pen.

For words in a will,

For letters to friends.

A word or a phrase

What a succulent thing,

To search for and gaze,

To speak or to sing.

A written exorcism

For demons within.

Fit for all seasons,

From winter to spring.

My arm for a quill,

My soul for a pen.

My search, what a thrill,

I’ll do it again.

Some blood or some wine,

Any will do.

To write and to dine,

On words and a book.

Just give me a word,

A letter, a syllable.

Then time and some ink,

And I’ll make you a miracle

My arm for a quill,

My soul for a pen.

The ink as my tool,

And a muse for a friend.

This poem won me a first place prize in college. I still enjoy reading it from time to time. 

Beauty has no age limit

During the last couple of years I have been fortunate enough to come into contact with women in their late 30’s, mid 40’s and early 50’s who truly prove that beauty has no age limit. These are women with brains, with libidos, with stiletto heels, with attitude, with panache, with style and grace.

Normal conventions of what’s beautiful need not apply, because we are coming into an age when women of all ages are embracing the females they are. That’s because age lines are sexy, that’s because staying healthy, keeping fit, being yourself, indulging in wine, having a few extra pounds and anything else you can think of is sexy… it’s sexy when it’s embraced because age truly has no beauty, no color, no ideal dress size, no social standing, no bank accounts and can come from anywhere.

One of my best friends is my senior by around 7 years and although a full fledged professional woman, she’s a girl because she enjoys life and has found someone who has helped her embrace the woman she is. She is young because of love and attitude. Also, every time she sees the mirror lying to her, she’s reminded to look past the first impulse and see all that is there. In truth, she could have done it by herself because every woman has the power to look past preconceptions and break down walls of imposed beauty requisites…. Because they’re false. Lucky for her, she married a man whom I look up to for being unabashedly in love with her, adoring her flaws and showing that real men are out there, and they rock.

There is no questionnaire for beauty and a woman in her forties can be just as sexy or even sexier than a woman half her age. And young women can embrace their youth and demonstrate wisdom beyond their years and also become even more beautiful. It’s not that one side of the age coin is better than the other, it’s that age is irrelevant in the sense that it doesn’t limit beauty.

That’s because beauty comes from inside. Time affects the outside facets of our lives… yet beauty comes from within. It comes from a deep well within a woman and it can run for a full life and have beauty to spare.

So regardless of your age, smile when you blow out an extra candle, because you have no need to wish for extra beauty or youth… because that’s already inside you.

Peace, love and maki rolls.

JD

Method to madness: mental health

Mental health is quite a delicate thing... it’s walking on thin ice at certain times or a minefield at others. As emotional beings we are susceptible to all we perceive and all that we don’t know we’re perceiving. Our subconscious mind is a reflective sponge that absorbs all it’s exposed to, reflecting things we didn’t even know were there or passed through our perceptual filters.

For years, I’ve contributed to another blog among the millions of pages available in the blogosphere and I credit that blog (and actually all that I write) for helping me stay sane. Some of the most vitriolic, venomous thoughts in my life have been purged thanks to a willing piece of paper or a curious cursor, open to listen to the demons that live in me.

Although I may have an intense personality and like most any person, I have my bad days, quite often I’m very cheery. That’s because although I do tend to dwell on certain topics, when something bothers me, I express it some way. It is a purge and it is something I recommend to a lot of people. It doesn’t need to be writing, or talking, or singing or painting, the thing is that we would all be a lot better off if we found and escape valve.

For me, writing has been my cure: it’s saved me from heart attacks, high blood pressure, depression and probably cancer. You might think it’s an overstatement, but for me, it’s what’s helped me to cope and further understand my feelings and emotions.

I’ve learned to embrace hatred and anger and put them on paper, be it a story, a vent or a blog post about mental health. I’ve done this because when I’ve understood it and seen it on paper, I can see it physically out of my body... I can then burn it, I can crush it, I can slice it up in pieces or I can share it with others to see that I’m not alone... and quite often someone responds. Regardless of what I do... it’s outside of me.

With Only Human, I’m impressed how some people have connected with fictitious characters simply because people either want to be that way or because they understand the character and what they’re going through. The reality is that the character has no idea of what they can do until processed and embraced by a reader. I’m proud people have connected with Daniel and seen he’s more than just a vampire, I’m humbled to hear people would like a friend like Liam and I tear up to hear people pleading for the case of Nathaniel, or Jane, or even Wendy. To you, these may be fictional names, but to me and to some other people, they’re real, and that’s not being delusional, that’s being able to connect.

The sequel to Only Human focuses a lot on mental states... it’s a topic I researched during college during my years in psychology and a topic I research to this day. It is something that fascinates me and I’m also working on long form texts to share what little I’ve learned in life and business. Probably something I’ll release under another name... although something I eventually need to share.

A couple of weeks back I wrote a blog post called Geek is the new sexy, let’s call it my invitation for women to love themselves for who they are and enjoy their own quirks that often lead to unknown inner beauty. I’ve been thanked by a couple of people for that post and I’ve even been told that “if only for a moment, it felt OK to like the woman I am.” That comment humbled me to no end and touched the very fiber of my being, because a simple blog post gave someone some light in a very dark time and I can’t think of many other things that are a better contribution to someone’s life.

Writing has allowed me to connect to people on countless levels and it’s a surprise to me each and every time because I see how powerful words can be. So please, put them out there... share them with the world... don’t keep them to yourself. Connect, understand, express, write, sing, play an instrument, anything... just embrace what is inside you, comprehend it and let it go onto the world.

Peace, love and maki rolls.

JD