So you want to quit

Having dreams is as normal as dreaming but they’re pretty different, even if they share the same root word. We all have aspirations, whether it’s getting the job we want, learning a new skill or even a new language, or making it as an artist, actor, writer, musician, or whatever other art you can think of. Heck, we may have a dream to acquire something or finally have a chance to go out with someone we’ve had a crush on for years. But still, having dreams and dreaming are two different things. One is a natural reaction of your subconscious reshuffling images, ideas, and emotions and the other one is part of having a goal.

 

I’ve met a lot of people who want to write a book and have met even more people that would like to dedicate themselves to writing. Although these might seem similar, they’re really DRASTICALLY different, just like having dreams and dreaming. In theory, anyone can write a book. Whether it’s good or bad, that’s a whole different story and something we can discuss later, but technically, most anyone can write a book. Pretty simple, if you’re able to write and have coherent thoughts, you can write a book. But wanting to dedicate yourself to writing, or music, or art is a whole other thing. It requires dedication, grit, sacrifice, and several types of creativity to make it all work.

 

When it comes to any creator, inspiration and talent are two essential ingredients necessary to bring forth what is an intangible idea or maybe even a dream. Taking something ethereal and bringing it to the real world is almost a magical process, yet it’s very doable and often only just requires you to begin to do something to actually get momentum and do the thing. But ask anyone in the arts, and they’ll tell you about their struggles and the things they’ve had to go through just to make ends meet, let alone “make” it. 

 

On a personal level, I can say I’ve had moments where I’m sad, frustrated, angry, and tired on my writer journey. Have I had happy moments? Of course. Tons of them. Moments of pure elation, whether it’s writing full steam ahead or it’s having a successful book event where people come talk to me about books and end up picking up a title or two, or even a dozen (it’s happened like 4 times where someone takes the whole lot and it always leaves me a bit flabbergasted and a LOT happy). I’ve also had moments where I’m surprised by a book review or someone even gifts my book to someone else. Being an indie creator, you’re pretty close to the action and it’s not like I lose track of reviews and sales, though trust me, I wish that were a problem and someday it might be. For now though, I have good days and bad days. Days where I let go of my pen and feel mighty and days where I wonder what else I can do to get to the next step. I have moments where a student has actually asked me if they can review an essay or short story for a book report and days where I question if things I create matter. By the way, I know they matter and I have several people in my corner supporting and encouraging me, but I can’t say I am without off days. Days where I don’t feel mighty. Days when the ink does not flow and the keyboard lacks musicality in its clickety clackness. 

 

This is a post about those days, because although it’s not guaranteed they will happen, it’s quite likely they will. I’m writing this in case you’re having a day where you’re off and are wondering if it’s worth it. To this I have a couple of things to say. 

 

Firstly, it’s OK to want to quit. It’s perfectly normal too. It’s something I’ve seen to varying degrees and am familiar with because I know what it feels like to get a rejection letter. I know what it feels like to invest money in a booth and copies of books and not break even. I know what it is to find roadblock after roadblock. I know what it feels like to fear asking for a favor and do things yourself just to avoid further disappointment. I know what it feels like to gift a book and have a person only marginally appreciate it. I know what it feels like to read a bad review. I know what it’s like to be there for people who take you for granted. I know what it feels like to talk to people who think they’re better than you and could care less if you make it or not. I also know what it’s like to be asked if someone should quit or not. I’ve been asked a few times and to anyone who wants to quit at anything that brings them joy but is hard, if you REALLY want to quit, I’ll always offer the same advice:

 

Don’t.

 

Be stubborn for the good things. Allow yourself to want to quit at something that makes you happy, but don’t do it. You know why? Because for every bad review I’ve gotten, I’ve gotten dozens of positive ones. For every person that doesn’t care, there are dozens who do care. For all those who don’t read, I find new readers every day. For every setback, there is also progress. I know what it’s like to make back the investment of a booth in one day and have people drive quite a way to see me and get my books. I know what it’s like for someone to connect with a poem, a short story, a novel, an essay, a blogpost, a video, and/or a song. I’ve outsold Van Gogh and not by a few titles, but by several and the rough days just make me appreciate the victories even more. 

 

Have I ever truly wanted to quit? No. It’s just that I want to have a win and I suspect I’m not alone in this. I want to progress and the peculiar thing about progress is that it’s not until you look back and objectively see what you’ve achieved that you see how much you can do if you just get out of your own way. Wanting to quit is you getting in your own way. It’s a sentiment, an emotion, a feeling… it’s also energy and what you do with that energy is completely up to you. Having a bad day happens. Having a couple in a row also happens. But still, if you truly love something, you’ll keep at it, because it matters and you don’t even have to rationalize it. You just know. You know it in your gut and heart. Heck, even your brain runs out of excuses and rationalizations because even it knows that this is what you’re meant to do. There is something you love doing. Focus on that love. Nurture it and shield that flame with your entire being. It may take time, sacrifice, energy, and it can even hurt… but if you have a light, you owe it to yourself to see how bright your light can shine and how far its rays can reach. 

 

May you find a second, third, and as many winds as you need to do what you love. 

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.