I can't drive 45

* * * * 

Although my birthday was back in August, it’s taken me until now to find the proper headspace and circumstances to get these thoughts down, which I think is a hell of a message of what it is like to be 45. So, in case you need the math, that’s 68 days since my birthday, or a hair over two months. 

In that time, a couple of things have happened, which is why I took much longer to get to this post. There’s no doubt that 2025 has been a mad little year for everyone with a pulse. In that time, I moved back to Puerto Rico, have set up our apartment, had a shift in career direction, had one book event, and will have another by the end of this week. I’ve also surfed some of the best waves in years, had my first root canal, met up with a lot of friends, set up my Substack page, with weekly posts, and much more goodness for people who sign up for free with extra goodies for anyone who signs up for the paid version, including video readings, tips on video, first looks into future releases, and more slices of life…which brings us back to this blog.

You may be thinking I would be closing down this blog, though you’d be wrong. The only reason that would happen is if data scrubbing got so out of control that I would consider it a much better option to close shop. My Substack responds to certain interests and things I want to write. This blog responds to others. My upcoming releases respond to others. And LinkedIn shall respond to other things as well. 

Why the fragmentation? Well, because each audience is ideal for something different. My Substack is titled Organic Creativity and I go into my process in regard to most things, while also inviting readers to try different things to reconnect with their creativity and to do so directly. In these AI obsessed times, I see how some people lose touch with that spark that makes them enjoy what they do. Sure, they may be “more productive” but what does that even mean? That Substack continuously talks about the human experience and the importance of it, especially during these times. 

For LinkedIn, I will be posting several things focused mainly on my advertising career. I’ve been wanting to write about those experiences for years and to share whatever little nuggets I think could benefit other people, even if the focus of so many is to use AI for most things. I will write about synergy, about the power of conversation, about things to do during film shoots and VO recordings, and how little touches can help you get a better product and also nurture relationships with producers, talent, and clients. 

So, what the hell will this blog be about? About anything and everything. Don’t expect a tone shift though expect things to be as personal as usual, talking about things that are important to me and I think would benefit us to discuss. In the end, every writing endeavor is self serving and serves me for a reason or three. What I do in this blog would not be a good fit for the other places. Might I eventually adapt what I write into another collection from the blog? That’s very possible, but only time will tell.

As a writer, the act of writing brings me joy, satisfaction, and balance. With it, I decipher the madness we live as a collective and the one within. Quite often, I write and I feel a weight lifted and I’ll continue being thankful for it. 

And when it comes to birthdays and important dates, it helps me capture the moment I’m living. And right now, it took me over two months to wrap my head around everything that’s happened the last ten months. That’s also something I can say about being smack in the middle of my 40s. I internalize and take my time to understand things better than I used to. Beyond maturity, it’s a need to understand rather than shoot from the hip. I take more precautions, prepare plans A-J at the very least, have dispensed with pessimism for the most part, and am selectively optimistic, though more often open to whatever life brings. More than any of that, I’m thankful. Thankful for health for me and my family. Thankful for opportunities given. Thankful for experiences had. Thankful for readers who read me here, on Substack, on my books, or who interact with my posts on social media. Thankful for fellow writers who offer kind and genuine support. Thankful for challenging moment and challenging people, because I learn from those exchanges. About life and myself. About what I’m willing to take, what I will call out, and what steps I will take to protect what is important to me. 

I think more than wise, I feel more conscious about many things. About the importance of the things that matter. About how I experience, react to, and take things on board. About how being close to family matters much more than other things and how opportunities have a way of popping up in different ways and different places, and you have to allow yourself the freedom to give it a go. 

I also better recognize the things that keep me happy and young in mind and body. A good surf, consistently stretching, eating as well as I can, properly hydrating, still enjoying random treats, playing video games, listening to good music, having long conversations with friends, keeping in touch with the people that are important to me, and plenty of other things. So let’s say that to me, 45 is a time to be mindful, present, and aware, or at least, that’s where I’m at and where I want to be. 

What will the coming weeks, months, and yes, years, bring? Who knows? All I know is that right here and right now, I’m happy and thankful, and that’s not a bad place to be. 

Thanks for reading and til next we connect in words…

Peace, love, and maki rolls. 

BONUS BIRTHDAY SKYTHOUGHT

 

 

 

 

Plus, a birthday #Skythought , because why not?

As I look at the book of my life
I see many pages behind me. 
Stories of every hue
Moments of bliss
All the genres mixed’
In a way that only makes sense in hindsight.

Part of me wants to sneak a peek
But the pages are blank…
Powerfully unwritten. 
 
I have committed verses to memory
And memories to stories.
I’ve danced with dreams and nightmares
I’ve sung dirges and hymns.
I have written much
In life and in books
But I can’t help but start today
With a devilish smile
Knowing the plot twists I foresee
And those that’ll just happen
One page
One word
And one breath at a time. 
©JD Estrada 2025

#SKyThoughts #poem #poetry #birthday 

4ll 4bo4rd for 44

Time is a curious thing. Sometimes it crawls. Other times it goes at light speed and without realizing it, a couple of weeks (or months) seem to go by in a blur. This last year has had a lot of those stop-and-go moments where you think you have an idea of how things will flow and life says, “Oh! You had plans? That’s cute.”

 

That said, looking back on year 43, even with challenges, I got a lot done and also enjoyed a lot of things. A lot happens in a year and we sometimes don’t realize how much we get done because we’re onto the next thing. By the way, it’s not like I’m going to suddenly change and be all feng shui, namaste, and chill. I’m a curious cat and have always been a bit bananas, so I fully expect some shenanigans to come my way and to produce my own set of shenanigans. I may have no idea what the future holds, but what I do know is that every day I choose to begin and end the day by giving thanks.

 

Thanks for the good.

Thanks for the not so good.

Thanks for the amazing.

Thanks for the random (and BOY do I encounter a lot of random and LOVE it).

Thanks for the quirky.

Thanks for the silly.

Thanks for the inspirational.

Thanks for the confusing.

Thanks for the challenges and the solutions I’m able to land on.

Thanks for the solutions that come from others and the maturity to welcome them.

Thanks for health.

Thanks for the fun.

Thanks for the thoughtful.

Thanks for the sweet.

Thanks for the patience.

Thanks for the opportunities to work on my patience.

Thanks for the gray hairs (long may they remain and they can stay if they help keep the rest in check and in place).

Thanks for the details.

Thanks for the human moments.

Thanks for the recommendations.

Thanks for the messages.

Thanks for the super tasty adventures.

Thanks for the laughs when something I try is terrible.

Thanks for the hugs.

Thanks for the jokes.

Thanks for the tears.

Thanks for the laughs.

Thanks for the insights.

Thanks for the support.

And thanks for love from so many places, time zones, and countries.

 

Of course, there are days when the daisies don’t smell as vibrant and the sun feels a bit dim. But on other days, daffodils dance, the sun tag teams with the moon to both show off, the food tastes better, the air smells beautifully, and life flows. Life offers you both, so recognize both and if you can’t enjoy it, try to learn from it…or use it as a plot point for a story or inspiration for a song or a poem.

 

It’s been a year of many achievements, from winning my first ad award and other work opportunities (more on this later), to giving writing courses to students in Puerto Rico and Pennsylvania, and a writing course to people in several time zones, to finishing the Human Cycle, to getting back to sending Estrada Crates, to personal adventures, like having my first trip with my oldest brother to see Peter Gabriel in Chicago, to going to Puerto Rico with the Captain to be with family, and countless other things.

 

365+ days give us the opportunity to do a LOT of things and experience a spectrum of emotions. Here’s to embracing all of it.

 

44 feels like a great number and it seems to encompass abundance in many ways. I have several firsts I’ll be pursuing so let’s see how that goes, and if you can spare a sec to wish me luck, it’s always welcome. Regardless, thank you for joining me for this or any read. For being in touch. For connecting. For accepting my expression of humanity and for sharing yours. There are plans ahead and I hope you’ll join me for them. But for now, I’ll focus on giving thanks.

 

It was a great year.

 

Here’s to making this new one even better.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

 

 

4ll 4bo4rd for 44

 

Time is a curious thing. Sometimes it crawls. Other times it goes at lightspeed and without realizing it, a couple of weeks (or months) seem to go by in a blur. This last year has had a lot of those stop-and-go moments where you think you have an idea of how things will flow and life says, “Oh! You had plans? That’s cute.”

 

That said, looking back on year 43, even with challenges, I got a lot done and also enjoyed a lot of things. A lot happens in a year and we sometimes don’t realize how much we get done because we’re onto the next thing. By the way, it’s not like I’m going to suddenly change and be all feng shui, namaste, and chill. I’m a curious cat and have always been a bit bananas, so I fully expect some shenanigans to come my way and to produce my own set of shenanigans. I may have no idea what the future holds, but what I do know is that every day I choose to begin and end the day by giving thanks.

 

Thanks for the good.

Thanks for the not so good.

Thanks for the amazing.

Thanks for the random (and BOY do I encounter a lot of random and LOVE it).

Thanks for the quirky.

Thanks for the silly.

Thanks for the inspirational.

Thanks for the confusing.

Thanks for the challenges and the solutions I’m able to land on.

Thanks for the solutions that come from others and the maturity to welcome them.

Thanks for health.

Thanks for the fun.

Thanks for the thoughtful.

Thanks for the sweet.

Thanks for the patience.

Thanks for the opportunities to work on my patience.

Thanks for the gray hairs (long may they remain and they can stay if they help keep the rest in check and in place).

Thanks for the details.

Thanks for the human moments.

Thanks for the recommendations.

Thanks for the messages.

Thanks for the super tasty adventures.

Thanks for the laughs when something I try is terrible.

Thanks for the hugs.

Thanks for the jokes.

Thanks for the tears.

Thanks for the laughs.

Thanks for the insights.

Thanks for the support.

And thanks for love from so many places, time zones, and countries.

 

Of course, there are days when the daisies don’t smell as vibrant and the sun feels a bit dim. But on other days, daffodils dance, the sun tag teams with the moon to both show off, the food tastes better, the air smells beautifully, and life flows. Life offers you both, so recognize both and if you can’t enjoy it, try to learn from it…or use it as a plot point for a story or inspiration for a song or a poem.

 

It’s been a year of many achievements, from winning my first ad award and other work opportunities (more on this later), to giving writing courses to students in Puerto Rico and Pennsylvania, and a writing course to people in several time zones, to finishing the Human Cycle, to getting back to sending Estrada Crates, to personal adventures, like having my first trip with my oldest brother to see Peter Gabriel in Chicago, to going to Puerto Rico with the Captain to be with family, and countless other things.

 

365+ days give us the opportunity to do a LOT of things and experience a spectrum of emotions. Here’s to embracing all of it.

 

44 feels like a great number and it seems to encompass abundance in many ways. I have several firsts I’ll be pursuing so let’s see how that goes, and if you can spare a sec to wish me luck, it’s always welcome. Regardless, thank you for joining me for this or any read. For being in touch. For connecting. For accepting my expression of humanity and for sharing yours. There are plans ahead and I hope you’ll join me for them. But for now, I’ll focus on giving thanks.

 

It was a great year.

 

Here’s to making this new one even better.

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls.

 

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The Tale of 42

Beyond 365 days (occasionally 366), what’s in a year? There are ups, downs, segues, side roads, detours, dead ends, adjustments, long hauls, short bursts, bright moments, dark times, and everything in between. We so often try to capture what happened in that year, yet the reality is that for however good our memory is, even with a journal, we’ll miss things or misremember things.

Year 42 was actually a very good year. It had some very important and necessary life and career changes, it had two new books and progress in others, it had good food, great company, and me finding my ground again, after a shaky ride in my 41st year. Yet somehow, last year I forgot to write a birthday post...and I just fully realized this by checking my backlog on the blog.

It’s curious because for me, posts like this are important and it’s also curious because I do tend to overthink and overstress when I miss something for whatever reason. And I didn't even remember. In the last year, I’ve made several events and I’ve had to cancel a few. I’ve pivoted, I’ve improvised, I’ve said “screw it, I’m doing this because I want to,” and I’ve also said, “screw it, I don’t want to do this because I don’t want to.” I've also said no, because I couldn't, and that's OK too.

Thinking about last year, I think it makes sense that I didn’t write about it because I was still in the middle of a journey of sorts. Of relearning, of unlearning, of forgiving, of speaking kindly to myself, of challenging false narratives, and highlighting truths that we tend to overlook because negative events and things tend to weigh a bit more and actually bring us down.

If it sounds like it’s been a bit intense, well it’s because it has been. There’s been a lot of lessons yet also a lot of enjoying and plenty of smile. I’m still in the process of clearing up a few things in my path, though I have a better idea of things I want to do, things I don’t care for, and things I will continue to work on, because life is a continuous stream.

It doesn’t matter if we confuse the year of something funny or memorable that happened. It’s important to remember the event and how it made us feel. That’s because memory is the one type of story-telling we all share. Yes, even those who say they aren’t creative and can’t write a story. We can talk about how false that is later, but yes, even you tell stories through memories. 

And that’s more important than you can even begin to imagine.

Because it means you’re in control of your story. 

I’m not saying to fabricate things, even though we all have those friends with tall tales that are as plausible as pigs suddenly learning how to fly. I’m saying that life happens and it’s always up to us the light we use to remember things by. 

For years, I’ve focused on trying to use every experience as either inspiration or a learning experience and in the last year and a half, that has included reframing some pretty intense times I’ll write about later. Yet I was able to. I was able to mine silver linings where you would only think to find a septic tank. I’ve been able to learn new things in my 40s that I’m sure will be with me until the day that I die and it was a kind reminder that there’s so much to live, learn, enjoy, share and be thankful for.

So here’s to finding any and all means to always be able to quote Monty Python and sing, Always look on the bright side of life.

Thanks for joining me for a new year and here's to all the stories and lessons ahead. Bring on 43.

Peace, love, and birthday cake

Friday the 13th Birthday Special

I’ve always found it curious to have a birthday shared with Alfred Hitchcock and Fidel Castro and for it to be a 13^th. For this year, it lands on a Friday so it’s even cheekier. 

So yeah, I’ll be 41…that’s kinda crazy though not as crazy as the last year we've all experienced. Still, a lot of good things have happened as I progress in my 40’s and for this post, I’m actually listening to the song #41 by Dave Matthews Band, because why not?

 

Also, why celebrate alone when you can have friends join in. If you’d like to help me celebrate, then there’s a couple of ways I can think of so let’s do the top 10 ways to help me celebrate.

 

1. Pre-order my 18^th release, Rhymes from the Wicked Nursery. I’ll be writing more about this new release, but I’ll be brief: Nursery rhymes are creepy…they can be fun creepy…I wrote 80. 

 

2. Buy my physical books from Tazas y Portadas. Most copies of my books are signed and each has a unique dedication. 

 

3. Review ANY of my books. I’ve got a lot of books and a gift that is ALWAYS in season is a review. Good or bad, doesn’t matter. Just keep it honest.

 

4. Say cheers with socks, snacks, tea, bananas, or my books. Also, make sure to tag me @JDEstradaWriter in your preferred social media platform. Also, what can I say? I LOVE my books, but they always look better with company. 

 

5. Have a podcast, blog, BookTube or AuthorTube channel? Then have me over for tea and shenanigans.

 

6. Speaking about shenanigans, feel free to give me a follow on all my socials. Every bit helps and if you can tell a friend or two, I have zero complaints about that.

 

7. Know someone who works at a bookstore or library that could help me get books there, pretty please with sugar on top, hook an indie author up. If they have a different type of store that would be open to having my books, why not?

 

8. Have students that would like a chat from an indie author? Drop me a message and let's make it happen.

 

9. Want to make a donation to a charity in solidarity? I support EB Awareness, the American Cancer Society, and Waves 4 Water. If you do support any of these causes, it’d mean the world if you could include a #CheersMamaEstrada to show that her love continues to help others.

 

10. Check your contact list, pick four people and drop a line or give them a call and say you love them, just because. We need more love these days. 

So as a reminder, below will be my top 10 and if you think of other ways to help me celebrate, go for it! Til then...

Peace, love, and maki rolls

I B 40

Note: While debating the title for this blog post, I thought that one up and used it for one simple reason, Ali Campbell (lead singer for UB40) might have recently had a stroke, but he seems to have recovered quite well so that was double reason for the title: to describe where I’m at and to send him cheers for a recovery. Also, odds are pretty big I’ll celebrate with red-red wine :) Now for the proper birthday blog post.

 

Birthdays are a curious thing as you get older and this year will be no exception. Being in lockdown means getting creative about all sorts of things and celebrating a birthday will just be one more thing that’s a little more peculiar this year. Not bad, just different. As for my age, for many, turning 40 is a huge milestone and to me it kind of is at the same time that it kind of isn’t. 

 

Time itself is a peculiar thing because it’s the one thing in life you can’t get back, something that’s been said repeatedly and shall continue to be said because it’s true and something people need reminding of. How we invest our time is up to us although it’s curious that time isn’t a constant thing. In our subjective travels through mortality, sometimes things speed up and sometimes they speed down. This could be in a specific moment or a period of time. 

 

I remember the best barrel I’ve ever gotten at my home spot of Tocones. Time slowed down and I was so hyper focused with the line I drew that time slowed down for me and I can remember the three people that saw me from the channel and the two sections I beat to make a clean exit. I came out laughing like the Joker and had the giggles and adrenaline coursing through me for quite a while. It was about 4-5 feet, perfect, and that was probably the wave of the day, if not for everyone, then certainly for me. The rest of the session is a blur, but that moment is captured in HD in my soul’s hard drive. This happens with many things. Sometimes you’re so hungry you scarf something down, but when you have one of those umami moments, everything slows down as you savor a symphony within a single bite. 

 

Too often we’re living in fast forward or even worse, auto-pilot. Sometimes so many rough things happen or things are so difficult that we seriously ponder on how much we’d skip a scene. It’s an understandable sentiment, but one that ultimately robs us of what creates character and what often helps us appreciate the good times even more. If you want an interesting take on this, watch Adam Sandler’s Click. Makes a pretty good point of it and plus, it has Christopher Walken.

 

By design, a full life probably benefits from having challenges and failures as much as it does from having victories and wins. But if you look in the positive when you experience the bad, when you turn the challenges into lessons and get something out of them, then you are more in control. I say more, because although we can impact certain things, there’s a whole world out there we can’t control. We can navigate through it, but control honestly begins and stops at you and how you respond to life, the good and the bad, and even that has its limits.

 

Some people ask me why I celebrate my birthday so much and for so long. Although, I’ve written about this before it’s worth repeating, August hasn’t been the easiest month throughout my life. It’s a month where my grandmother, my father, and a close family friend passed very close to my birthday and for a long time I had a hard time finding reason to celebrate. I wanted to stay quiet in my shell and let the birthday pass. The day consistently brought big challenges and rough spots and I do think that my attitude was key into how poorly I passed the time on my birthday. Then one year, I got tired of being mopey and I decided, consciously and in control, that I would do everything to enjoy my birthday as much as possible. I’ve had an amazing birthday ever since. Yes, even last year when Mom wasn’t with us on the physical plane. Thanks to family and friends and the people I connect to from around the world, I get messages and receive huge waves of love from across the world. I hear from friends I haven’t heard from in ages. I get hugs, kisses, cake, wine, beer, smiles, and joy from so many places and it’s all because I was able to get out of my own way in regards to enjoying and said, let’s have a great time, because why not?

 

It’s a year where a lot of people are hurting, a lot of people are worried, a lot of people are angry, and sad and all with good right. It’s also a year with a lot of people fighting. There’s a pervasive sense of wanting to cancel everyone who crosses lines and says things that go against your values. It’s also a year that is insane in so many ways, people still keep comparing it to Jumanji and that analogy still makes sense. Think about it, it’s a year where murder hornets were kept on the bench for the most part, because the starting lineup of what-the-hell-is-going-to-happen is so stacked. These are turbulent times and how we navigate them says a bit of who and how we are, although I think it says more of how we respond to stimuli and what our instinct of survival is. Some people have ghosted. Others are fighting every single day. Judging people is not great in the best of times, but in these odd times, it’ll just add fuel to the fire. Mind you, I’m not saying I’m not reacting, finding it challenging, or frustrated with a lot of what I see. After all, I’m Only Human™ :) What I’m saying is also not so much that we shouldn’t hold people accountable. That’s looking at the world through rose tinted glasses. I’m saying, that for me, I’ll do my best to continue helping others, sharing my opinions as considerately as possible, and all while I continue to strive to find smiles and have a positive impact. Some terrible things have happened this year. To respond to them, I believe we need cooperation, we need justice, we need creativity, we need skill, we need science, we need faith, we need respect (for ourselves and others), we need empathy, we need to desist from needing to win at everything, and we need kindness… a LOT of it. I also think we need to find as many smiles as possible and continue to mine for those silver linings. 

 

Forty is a milestone for many reasons already, though for me, it’s like the books I’ve published. 16 books in and I still feel like I’m getting started, because I am. Every single day. And I shall try to find inspiration to continue giving my best and be my best. Will that include flaws and mistakes? Of course. But although flaws may be a part of us, they do not define us. Our actions do and for me, I shall work very hard to continue finding, sharing, and hopefully inspiring as many smiles as possible. Because that’s what makes me happy. 

 

So here’s to the start of another year and another decade. Much love, stay safe, please be considerate to others, #CheersMamaEstrada, and as always…

 

Peace, love, and maki rolls

 

JD40

 

Ps: With that sign off, please think of the band and not that I need oil lubricant for my joints, K? ;)

 

Mi última gira de los 30

Treinta y nueve es una edad comiquísima porque muchos preguntan sobre qué se siente tener casi cuarenta y a muchos se les olvida que me queda un añito de mis 30. Y es que se siente raro hablar de los 39. Es como cuando eras nene y te preguntaban tu edad y decías seis y medio o alguna bobada así. Sin embargo, es una excelente lección para no adelantarnos a los hechos. Casi tengo 40; pero si decimos casi chocamos, eso significa que no chocamos y lo mismo aplica a la edad. 

Ya mismito, pero todavía. 

En una secuencia de años curiosos e intensos, este último no ha sido la excepción con varios eventos de vida que ciertamente marcarán dónde estoy y a dónde iré. Cuando falleció Mama en junio, el cantazo dio duro por cuan esperado haya sido. Fue un alivio por un lado y desgarrador por otro y en estos dos meses luego de su partida me he dado cuenta cuánto tiempo pasaba conectado a la chica de alguna manera u otra. Fuese un mensaje de texto, un post que le gustó y compartió, palabras de consejo y aliento con esa paciencia eterna que la caracterizaba o nuestras llamadas de la mañana y la tarde, siempre estábamos pendientes el uno del otro. Por eso la veo en tantos detallitos. Por eso me canta a través de cosas tan microscópicas, que sólo sirve para demostrar que un corazón lo ve todo, lo escucha todo… y también lo siente todo. De la misma manera, me ha enseñado mucho de quién y cómo soy, de lo que importa en mi vida y que soy la única persona responsable por asignar jerarquía e importancia a lo que vivo… y aunque nunca me gusta generalizar, en este caso me parece que sí nos aplica a todos.

Siempre he tenido momentos de introspección tratando de calmar el carnaval que hay en mi cerebro para buscar cordura en la locura y hacer lo que tanto amo. Escribir siempre me ha venido bien y hoy por hoy es esencial a mi salud emocional, mental, física y espiritual. En el último año me ha ayudado a superar un sinnúmero de cosas y a enfrentar retos de vida, incluyendo a Mama. Durante el día que falleció, estuve escribiendo algo para ella y se lo leí a la noche. También le leí poemas que he escrito y otras cosas que he publicado. Como escritor, las palabras para mí cobran múltiples significados y roles y me parece que esa relación continuará evolucionando. Siempre doy lo máximo por ser un hombre de mi palabra y un hombre de palabra, o más bien, palabras. Llevo escribiendo por años y aunque he cumplido algunos logros, todavía tengo muchas metas por cumplir, cuentos por capturar y palabras por compartir. 

De las lecciones más valiosas que he aprendido en el último año es que no importa los retos, no importa lo triste que estés y lo mucho que duelan ciertos eventos, siempre podemos sonreír, siempre podemos dar lo mejor de nosotros y siempre podemos definir cómo manejamos lo que vivimos. En algunas cosas me queda muchísimo por aprender y crecer como ser humano. En otras, estoy feliz de cómo soy más que nada porque he puesto en práctica varias cosas que aprendí de mi madre y lo que quiero que me identifique como hombre, profesional y humano. 

Mi más sincero agradecimiento por todo el cariño y todo el apoyo que me expresan continuamente. Los mensajes de felicitaciones por el cumpleaños, por cosas de los libros y los mensajes de apoyo y cariño a la familia son regalos y bendiciones al igual que las sonrisas que inspiran. Gracias por un excelente año y a ver qué más inventamos antes de la nueva década. 

Un abrazo,

JD

Three times 13 and a step away from 40

I’ve done these birthday posts for years and I think this is the hardest one to write yet. It’s not just because of what I’ve lived in the last year, it’s that I’m not sure how I want to frame it or what I want to capture. The last couple of months haven’t been exactly easy though I have gotten to know more of who I am through written and meditational introspection than possibly at any other point in my life. I think more than anything that I am able to see what’s important in life or at least in my life. Let’s not get carried away and think my opinion and my feelings apply to everyone… even if there is a chance you can agree with me here and there. 

Age is a number and although it is tied to life, experiences lived, and things we’ve gone through, it’s also an attitude and I think it doesn’t have to be a constant. For certain things, I’m a wannabe sage and it’s a miracle I don’t grow a long beard to stroke as I share whatever experiences I’ve gone through if only with the hope that it helps other people to see what they’re going through in another light and maybe find something that’ll help them make sense of the madness that is life. Then I see a banana, get an idea, and act as if I'm 13. Some people might argue I need to grow up while others giggle along and join in on the madness as I take my inner child out for frequent strolls. 

I watch cartoons, I like candy and sugary cereals, but I know the value of balancing it out with good nutrition, exercise, and tough decisions. Life isn’t one thing and requires a varied skillset to be truly enjoyed… good times or bad. Having Mom pass away two months ago wasn’t a shock in the sense of it being a surprise. We knew it could happen and unfortunately complications were able to overcome her will, which is quite something since Mom shall always be synonymous with the word perseverant and quite often seemed indomitable, yet in the end, she was human... and remarkably human at that. It was a shock in the sense of how hard it’s hit me, which is anything but a surprise.

I think about her often and it’d be disingenuous not to talk about her as I write about my birthday, since she’s the reason I’m able to celebrate a birthday in the first place. I’ve had two months to come to terms with her passing and I know it’ll take many years as I continue to understand and share how much she means to me. Yet even missing her intensely, I’m able to talk to her spirit, smile at big things and small, joke around, laugh, and live. Part of her lives on through my brothers and myself and I’m amazed at how present she is in the smallest things. When she passed away, I felt equal parts helpless child and old man. It took the weight of worrying about her and replaced it with the weight of missing her and although we could speculate about how much each weighs, I’d rather focus on the fact that I will always be happy to carry her with me.

I’m 39 and I don’t know how long I have on this Earth… but I do know I have the beauty of choice in my life, as we all do. Life is about choice and it’s never been more apparent in my life. We can zoom in on the people who disappoint us, or we can invest our time in thanking and encouraging those who bring light into our lives. We can choose to focus on what hurts and what makes us sad or we can focus on what we can do to give our best while finding as many smiles as we can on the journey. We can be anchored to a moment, a memory, a pain, or a victory, or we can keep walking, occasionally skip, frequently dance, and possibly fly. 

So here’s to flying, my friends. Thank you for the love, the laughs, and the maki rolls. To much more of what makes us smile and to sharing our best, whether the weather is fair or we dance in the storm.

38 pa’ 25 papeh

Recientemente debatí con mi esposa sobre la manera correcta de decir ‘papi’ en puertorro. Nuestros estudios exhaustivos indican que se escribe con ‘E’ y termina en ‘H’. Cabe hacer la salvedad de que si por casualidad estás bajo las influencias del alcohol, la ‘H’ se intercambia por ‘J’ alrededor del tercer o cuarto palo, dependiendo de tu tolerancia al alcohol.

¿Qué tiene que ver esto con mis 38? Tres pepinos por no hacer referencia a las Islas al este del continente de África a donde enviamos a tantas personas a diario. Ah y que o la pasas bien y te ganas las canas con gusto o te vas a agriar la vida. 38 años no es un universo pero hace tiempo que no soy un ternerito y la vida te enseña que aprendes o aprendes.

El tiempo es una cosa curiosa y si leíste la entrada anterior, me viste yéndome casi a un nivel esotérico contemplando el tiempo y el significado de la vida. Si lees esta entrada, de seguro te choca el cambio de tono, de idioma, de lenguaje utilizado y hasta estilo. Ahora si me conoces, sabes que soy así y escribo esta entrada no sólo para hacer complemento a las que tengo en la cabeza sino para que la gente conozca más de quién y cómo soy.

A menudo me preguntan por qué no escribo más en español y aunque quisiera que la contestación fuese una profunda, termina siendo una semi llorona y es que no sé ni si me leen en español. Por años he tenido una colección de poesía en español y otra bilingüe que se siente que no le dan mucha atención aunque de verdad que quiero a ambos libros muchísimo. Incluso, TwentyVeinte es de los libros que con más orgullo escribí, pero no se mueve mucho. La gente lo lee y le encanta. Le fascina la variedad en temas y la diferencia de quién soy como escritor en inglés y español. En inglés soy más fantasioso, más esotérico y confío que me siento más cómodo escribiendo en ese idioma. Pero no le quita que me gusta escribir en español y por eso para el año que viene saldrán varios libros en español. ¿Cuántos? Pues a ver cuánto me motivo pero a lo mínimo tres. Si se ponen con cosas y piden por esa boca, pues a lo mejor más :D 

Posiblemente te preguntas por qué haré semejante maroma y la razón de nuevo es personal. La gente no necesariamente me lee en español, pero si algo he aprendido dos años fueras de la Isla es que tuve que llegar a Atlanta para finalmente ser boricua y que me dijeran que soy el puertorriqueño. Tuve que ir al jardín botánico de noche para llorar de la felicidad que sentía mi corazón al escuchar el canto del coquí. Duele no estar en casa pero pienso que es el camino que me toca porque hay mucho por hacer y en Puerto Rico sólo puedo llegar hasta cierto punto sin padrino ni pala. En Puerto Rico o eres un duro o conoces a alguien y claramente tengo que seguir puliéndome en mi idioma natal, no sólo para complacer a Mama y las pocas personas que me leen en español, sino porque dentro de mí siento una necesidad tan grande de también dar algo para leer con sabor del Caribe, con sonrisas con agua de sal y rastros de coco, llevado a su perfecto punto de cocción en un alma que disfruta los atardeceres inigualables de mi Isla.

También escribo esto para comprometerme públicamente a esos proyectos, no porque no lo haya hecho antes sino porque la razón para querer hacerlo ha cambiado y en toda honestidad, me parece que cuando lean lo que sale de mí cuando estoy fuera de mi país no sólo demostrará que soy puertorriqueño, sino que amo mi lenguaje, mi casa y las particularidades de hablar como pleno isleño.

Comienza un nuevo año. Nuevas aventuras. Nuevos retos. Nuevos compromisos. No me sorprende que me haga falta PR viviendo al norte del charco, pero tampoco me sorprende que más me pide el alma escribir quien soy de todas maneras que se me ocurran.

Un abrazo,

JD