Thursday, January 21, 2016

I can’t drive 35

Although Sammy Hagar couldn’t drive 55, I stumbled 20 less than that.

A full 161 days after my 35th birthday, I finally sit down to write my birthday post. This is actually on par with 2015, which was such a crazy year on so many fronts. For me, the feelings I’ve had most of my adult life continue. In some contexts I feel like a baby boy while in others I feel downright ancient. It’s an odd way to achieve balance, but such is life and such have been the first 160 days of me being 35.

Although it can also be described in one word


Mind you, it wasn’t a smooth transition but I feel the shift and at this time I’m swimming through a sea change, which is intense. On most birthdays the last couple of years I’ve sat down and reflected on what that last year meant on that very same day. Last year shook me in plenty of ways… enough to delay this post almost half a year.

But the end result is the same. I’m thankful. For the good and bad. For the easy and hard. For the pleasure and pain. I learned several valuable lessons, some easier to swallow than others. I was surprised, disappointed, hurt, touched, scared, and calm. I ran the gauntlet of emotions and although some scars remain, I’m better for it and hopefully wiser (I’ve learned that lessons and wisdom yield fruit long after they’re learned instead of an immediate payoff).

Creatively it was a magnificent year with plenty of blogposts and me tossing myself into my insecurities for better or worse. I’m recording videos where I ramble or playing songs both original or covers. I finished my second novel, which will get its own blogpost and video very shortly, I’m working on recurring series on social media, and challenging myself to push deeper, to wield words in my voice and to not shy away from the rawest emotions I feel through my work. I had a wonderful showing at the Puerto Rico Comic Con, met some amazing people and was blessed with a lot of support that still goes strong. I published my daydreams and two poetry collections. I jotted down plans for future projects and the prospect of a blank page has never made me smile more.

I also interviewed several brilliant people and the trend shall continue. That’s because I’m also collaborating with several brilliant and beautiful minds on projects of varying scope in search of the beauty of synergy, i.e. surpassing the sum of our parts. It’s been a wonderfully rewarding experience and something that I cherish deeply.

In regards to health, I learned to ask for help when needed, and that one of the hardest parts of doing so is admitting you need that help. I also learned to follow recommendations and make decisions that are for my well being as well as others. I also learned that one is quite capable of failure and that said failure hurts you to the point of knocking you down and robbing your sails of any wind. With that lesson also came the lesson that recovery is possible when you hit whatever ails you with all you have and use every resource available. Self-patience… never have I had to work on it as I did and rarely have I been as scared as I was at certain points from last year. But all in all, part of the transition, part of the lesson.

I was also rewarded by the reminder that some people will be there in good times and bad times and that kindness can always prevail and in addition, is always the best option, at least for me. So the transition continues and more changes are coming. But unlike the day of my birthday, I’m a lot readier to face it with a smile, and an open heart to whatever the cards hold for me.

The learning continues and so does the living. As for August 13, 2016…. Fully expect me to write on that very same day and that between now and then, there’ll be plenty more to share. My thanks for anyone who reads this, for all the people who care, for all the people who have offered me support, and for allowing me the opportunity to pay forward the kindness life gives me daily.

I titled this post by saying I can't drive 35... and that's true, because I choose to walk it and enjoy every step.

Peace, love and maki rolls.

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